This Ain't Mr. Rogers Neighborhood

Hello everybuddy, thank you fur joining me today. I hope all is well in your neighborhood cuz it sure ain’t Mr. Rogers neighborhood where I lives. Since I am constantly slamming my neighbors I thought I’d explain why. I’m not even really sure where to begin but I can tell you this will be broken down into separate posts cuz it’s rather looooong. So you might as well go grab a cup of mojo and go pee furst. And since I obviously couldn’t actually get any pictures of da Neighbors (Don't think I didn't try though)I will include pictures of ME fur your viewing pleasure.

Another view of their de-VINE fence.

Let me just gives a little background info furst. They is renting their casa so they has a landlord , Mr. and Mrs. Neighbor moved in furst then later da grandkids and their mom moved in. AND if you happens to run into my neighbors and they ask you bouts me, you say, Puddles who?” Got it? Thanks, don’t want me to get in any kinds of trubles. Ha, who am I kidding? Anyway, on with da show.

I shall tell you bout da grandkids furst. Yes, I know it’s just not right to talk bout somebuddy’s kids but wait till you get a load of this stuffs. Keep in mind that they is only 4 and 5 years old…young but old nuff to know betters, I think. Since I don’t know their names I will refer to them as Younger Boy and Older Boy.

ME

One time they was out in da street (believe me, this is not a street you play in cuz it a most busy area since it is downtown)and my dad ushered them out of da street to keep them safe. Well here come they mom flying out of da house screaming and cussing out my dad. Her even called him a f%#ing racist…my dad loves all breeds of people so I’m really not sure where that came from. This lady wouln’t stop with her ranting so dad threatened to call da popo, but luckily her settled down.

Then one time while my mum was gone da kids was throwing these humongus rocks over da fence at US. I’m not talking little pebble rocks either, they weighed like 500 pounds 5 pounds give or take a pound or two. Mum discovered da rocks when her gots home but she didn’t have no proof cuz she wouldn’t take my word (I wonder why). They haves thrown other things over da fence that just didn’t quite make it like a wig, a mop, a bucket, toys, and pieces of wood.

Now these hoodlums kids are usually unsupervised so they basically roam like stray doggies. One week my dad was out of town and my mum thoughts her was gonna pull her furs out with their shenanigans. Well, I told mum to haves a stiff drink and I would take cares of da situation but hers said that would be very irresponsible of hers…now, I’m not sure if she was talking bout da drink or me. While dad was away adding to our financial pot wasting time working da boys kept coming over onto MY driveway with their tricycles to ride…in MY driveway. This went on fur days. Then several times Younger Boy would come up and run up and down and up and down on MY our front porch. He would even look in our front door cuz it’s all glass. Later on my mimi and papa came over and pulled in da driveway right when Younger Boy threw dirt all overs my mum’s Honda Lambourgini. My mimi said sumptin to him but he said he didn’t do it…uh, little boy her saw you do it. So I said to mum,” Let me at da little peepsquek”. But mum said sumptin bought Animal Control would be brought in (and I am in no way condemning condoning bitting of small children…but, I am ever so thankful fur that dictionary Albert let me borrow in learning such big words).

ME again

I know ya’ll is prolly wondering how come my mum nevers went to talk to any adults bout da on going situation. Her had lots of reasons or so she said. Da furst and most important reason was her feared fur da boys physical safety, da previous confrontation between they mom and my dad, mum was home alone at da time and wasn’t sure bout any kinds of repercussions (big word), and they haves lots of TRAFFIC at their house (I hope you know where I’m going with that). Let me put it like this…many, many cars come to their house throughout da day, passenger gets out and goes to da door while da driver waits…passenger is gone fur a few minutes and returns and they leave…and we never sees their car again. Basically mum wasn’t sure what her options were.

Moving along now, da next day everything started again with da boys coming in our yard so mum sucked it up and went da popo (mum couldn’t haves them on our property cuz of liability reasons). So, her goes to da pop and explained everything in detail AND told them her didn’t want her name mentioned to no buddy what so evers. Ok, fine and dandy. Mum gets home and Mr. Neighbor comes knocking on our door telling mum if hers has a problem to come and lets them know…huh. He apologized profusely afters mum explained what in all had been going on and he claimed he had no idea of what da boys had been doing. Mum told him da kids wasn’t exactly his responsibility and he shouldn’t be da one to apologize, they haves a mother that needs to be paying attention to them. But, da questions, what made Mr. Neighbor come apologize?

That's ME again

Since this has been such a long post I will spare ya’ll da details of da night long parties, da fight between Mrs. Neighbor and da boys mom, da time my mum called da pop cuz their friends were in da street screaming and Man Friend hit Woman Friend.

So I hope your butts aren’t numb now. Now if anybuddy has ideas on how to have an American deported let me know. And I hop ya’ll will be ready fur more Neighbor news next week…can you stand anymore?

This is fur Lucky

THE END

Peace Out,

Puddles