The Non-Zappy Happy Update

"I promise I'll be a good girl from now on."

{Does this look like da face of a little girl that would lie?

Ummmmm...how bouts ya'll answer that amongst yourselves.}

I do declares, I thinks I opened a can of worms yesterday with my shock collar news. I’m sorry, I hopes ya'll was all able to sleep last nite and not too worried bout my future.  My mum has always been against those collars but da pawrents were a little concerned about my safety and afraid da neighbors would take matters into their own hands, if you know what I mean. They haves been to da house wanting to know what I talk about allday. And da collar was simply sumptin they was looking into, nuttin was set in stone. But please oh please, don’t be mad at my mum (you can be mad at Mr. Dad though).Hers just wouldn’t be able to handle somebuddy being upset at hers (yep, hers paid me to say that). Anyway, your comments and suggestions were greatly appreciated and we are glad you voiced opinions because mum really wanted to know what ya’ll thought. So, I’m excited to inform ya’ll that mum has decided to look at other options like…debarking. No, I’m just pulling your leash. They is going to look into da citronella collars or invest in ear plugs, whichever comes furst. Mum just had way too many concerns about da shock collars to feels comfortable using one. For instance, what to do when her was gone, wasn’t sure bout having a collar on me and not Albert and Whitney, and blah, blah, blah.

I also want to lets you all know that obedience skool is out of da question cuz ummmm…well…I was kicked out of da last three I attended. Da furst trainer said I was a lost cause, da second trainer kept telling me what to do so I bit her, and da last trainer ended up checking into an insane asylum. Sooooo, basically, I am banned from obedience skools in SC. Mum says hers has nevers had a dachshund like me in hers whole life and she is old. Her is like 114 35. Then again, hers has nevers had a female either.

Well anyway, since ya’ll has been so good to me and still my friends (hopefully) I’m gonna show ya’ll mum’s birthday pressie that I picked out fur hers all by myself…it’ not til August though. Just don’t let hers know cuz it’s a surprise, ok.

Nope, it’s not a collar. It is actually a skull splitter that was used in medieval times as a torture device. Do you thinks hers will like it? I think hers will adore it.It should keep her from thinking stoopid things again . Well I must go now, I haves to go talk to da neighbors and find out why da popo was at theirs house yesterday.

THE END

Peace Out,
Puddles

Note from mum: I should mention Puddles has never been kicked out of obedience school. She does know a number of commands. However, when it comes to her barking, she forgets evrything she has learned. With Albert and Whitney they stop with one command and all is good. Where in the world did I go wrong with Puddles...you don't have to answer that. I wonder if she was dropped on her head before we got her.