Monday, December 24, 2012

Twas Da Night Before Christmas by Puddles


I hopes ya'll not mind but I ruined  rewrote da classic 
'Twas da Night Befores Christmas story cuz I thoughted it needed to be a little more updated and modernized to fit todays lifestyles.
I just knows it will be a new classic fur sures.
So, nows lets all go sit down by da tree so I can read it to ya'll.
***************

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through da house
Not a dachshund was stirring, not even a Puddles;


Da socks was hung by the chimney in a complete disarray, cuz I hung ‘em myself

 
In hopes dat St. Nicholas would gets on withs da show.
 

 We was all curled up all on da couch,
While visions of beer and cheetos, and squirrels danced in my head;
And da Blobs in their furs, and I nekkid unders my blankie,
Had just settled down for a long snooze,

When out on da porch there was such a noise,
I jumped from da couch to see what da heck was goin’ on.
Away to the window I runned like a flash,

Tore open the shutters...even though we ain't got no shutters... and stood way up on my tippie paws..
(fat man done tripped overs my couch and cooler on da porch)

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
(da moon on da breast...WTF?)

Gave the lustre of mid-day to junk below,
(ie: trucks on cinder blocks)
When, what to my nosey eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight big honkin' reindeer,

With a big fat old driver, so hung over,
I knew cuz I be smart, it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

(dat is da dumest line)
And he whistled, and shouted, and hollered and called them by name;

"Now, John Boy! now, Cletus! now, Jimmy Joe, Buck!
On, Cooter! on Earl! On Homer,  and Bobby Joe!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"



Okays dats all I gots.



Final Card Count:
 ME: 68
e-cards: 8
PLUS a tag, goat, and kangaroo ornament, and sumptin' from Dip, Bridget, and Elliot (I shows later)
Hoomans: 7
A) Corbin sent da hoomans there very own card cuz he felt bad fur them...and sent directions too.
B) Sam and Pippen sent a card specifyin' it was fur da hoomans and I not gets a card from them dis year...damn them.

MERRY CHRISTMAS to all my furiends and stalkers from Me and my family to you and yours!

Puddles

Pip, if you is readin' dis...my thoughts and prayers are withs you.
Please gets betters real soon. I loves you Buddy!




 

49 comments:

Dexter said...

I always wondered about that whole breast bit as well.

A wonderful, lyrical rendering. That poem was wanting a bit of freshening up.

Kisses,
Dexter

Lovable Lily said...

Kinda brings tears to our eyes!

A beautiful rendition Puddles, just beautiful.

Merry Christmas to you and yours.....

Hugs,
Lily Belle & Muffin

Agnes Bullock said...

We are speechless with the beauty of our poem- this was quite an undertaking and obviously beer had no influence at all. Bravo!

What Remains Now said...

I think you captured the spirit of the season beautifully. We're doing our official card count tomorrow. It's going to be close. Wishing you all the merriest Christmas ever!

liparifam said...

Laughing at the names of the reindeer :) Reminds me of stories my ex-husband used to tell about people he worked with in the Texas oilfields; I'll never forget the one about "Scooter - and his son, Chigger"...

Frankie Furter and Ernie said...

WE think YOUR version is MUCH more.. UP TO DATE.
WE think that furst guy was talkin about a CHICKEN BREAST that somebuddy was Mooning. Butt we don't know why they would do THAT.. unless it was a mistake. Like when my dad "CRACKS" Everybuddy up as he bends over to pick up a Chicken Breast that he dropped. BUTT I could be wrong about all that.
YOUR Version is destined to become an annual tradition here in Blogville.
WELL DONE Puddles WELL DONE.

Molly The Wally said...

We love your updated Christmas poems Puddles.

We wish you and yours

A Happy Holiday
A Merry Christmas
& thank you for your friendship. It has meant alot to us.
May you have beer, cheetos and squirrels galore.

Best wishes Molly

Susie and Sidebite said...

Thanks for the laughs on this Monday, now lets go cel-le-bration with drinks the coming Christmas.

Your Pals
The Scottie Twinkies
Have a Most Happy & Merry Christmas

Pees; Hoping Pip is doing OK, Paws Crossed and Prayers

Brian said...

I love your version Puddles! Merry Christmas dear friends!

Remington said...

Well done, Miss Puddles! Merry Christmas, my friend!

Patrice and Higgins said...

Teehee, I loved the new story! Puddles, you are such a good poet!! So how much beer and Cheetos did you have before you wrote it??

~Higgins

harrispen said...

Well Puddles you have out done yourself once again. What a great modernization of that poem and the photo illustrations are perfect too.

I've got my paws crossed for Mr. Pip too.

Have a great Christmas.

Millie

GOOSE said...

I LOVE it! I will be a singin' it all day long, yes I put it to music in my head. I think I might ask MOM is I can do a solo in church tonight. And I LOVE the beer tree. Do you suppose if I bury some of MOM's beer I could grow my own tree. Miss Puddles I wish you the Merriest of Christmas', filled with joy and hope, laughter and love.
Blessings,
Goose

Tank said...

I'm weepy after reading this beautifully updated version of the classic holiday story.

Merry Christmas Puddles.

chicamom85 said...

OMD Puddles BOL BOL, Mommy just made pee all over and she was all ready to go out. Now she has to change. We laughed so hard(I pooed), you are some kind of song writer diva or something.

We want to wish you are your pawsome family Merry Christmas. We hope your girl gets lots of pressies from Santa and of course you and Albert and Whitney. We love you.

Loveys Sasha

Berts Blog said...

I was hopin my Vickie would read the night before Christmas to me this year.

It was as wonderful as I remember, only better. I like your version best.

Merry Christmas
Bert

The Websters said...

That was the very best poem. I'm in jail now b/c for some reason Mrs. Master doesn't like it when I jump the fence to go see the birds in the neighbors yard.

Merry Christmas from jail,

Nora B. Webster

Amber DaWeenie said...

Puddles, me furiend....me has to say! Your version be so mucho better den da classic! Even da Blobs got in on da act. (Did you's even see Blobs in da classic?)

A Big PAWS UP. You done good. But still don't nose if you made it offs da Naughty List! Well, maybe's.

Wishing you, da Blobs, and your family a Merry Christmas (wit lots of beers and Cheetos) and a rockin New Year filled wit anyting your weenie heart desires!

:)

Sam and Pippen said...

We read that line as, 'the moon of the beast in the freshly fallen snow'... we just figured it was Santa's... you know... after he tripped on your porch!

Sam and Pippen

PeeS. Nice hat!

PeeS2. Best picture of you in this postie is you on the couch with Albert and Whitney!

Sarge said...

Oh, BWAR HAR HAR! What a perfect version for today's world. Love the update and your card collection is totally impressive.
Grr and Woof,
Sarge, Furiend

ABBY said...

Yoo r so adorbs Puddles!

A very Happy Holiday from all of us at ManxMnews

The Furries of Whisppy said...

Perfect! Even if some of the lines didn't make sense...

Have a wonderful Christmas, Puddles and family!

Mr. Pip said...

You bet I am reading this ...just don't tell the peeps because I am milking the whole being sick thing for all it's worth.

Send that fat guy my way - and tell him his sleigh best be filled with burgers, brats, cheetoes, and beer.

Your pal, Pip

rottrover said...

Oh Puddles, you've done it again!! Made us laugh 'till our eyes leaked! Have a wonderful Christmas. And thanks for bein' our friend...

-Bart and Ruby

Frankie Furter and Ernie said...

Hey PUDDLES.... mom was feeling kinda GROUCHY and GRINCHY and stuffs... somethingy about her floors and paw prints... so we thought we would cheer her up by letting her read YOUR UPDATED Version of the Classic.. with PHOTOGRAPHIC Illustrations... SPECIAL ONES no less.

WELL girrrrrl you did the trick. Her was Laffin sooooooo hard that tears were runnin down her LEGS like a full force faucet.
THANKS... We think you might have SAVED us from being stuck in the DAWGhouse fur Christmas.

jen said...

Merry Christmas to you and your family Puddles!

Dip-Dip and the Bridge said...

We have yet to see anything more adorable than your Christmas photo - in fact, nothing can exist!
Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas.
Dip Bridge Elliot and Lynne x

georgia little pea said...

Dear Pudds, I am late to the party as usual. I think this rewritten story? Poem? May well become a classic. I totally agree with the dum lines and BTW, what are nosey eyes?

Its Christmas morning here already! Of course there are no pressies for me but that is only to be expected in my joyless household. I am off to Chrissie lunch though so hope springs eternal. Say, am I getting poetic myself?

Have a great day Pudds! X

Bassetmomma said...

Just stopping by to wish you all a very Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

Basset Momma, Freddie & Gloria

scotsmad said...

Bravo, Bravo!!! Great poem and great illustrations. We love the reindeers' names!

Happy Christmas to all at your house!

XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & Roxy

Santa came to our house, so all the pressure to be good is OVER!!!

A MilShelb Mom said...

Merry Christmas!!
~Milly and Shelby

Mitch and Molly said...

We like your version so much better, Puddles!
Merry Christmas to all of you!

Love ya lots,
Mitch and Molly

Nola said...

BOL I loved it!!
Nola

houndstooth said...

Ha ha ha ha ha! That's the funniest rendition I've read so far! I think you forgot that it's going to be pulled by reindeer this year.

Bunny

P.S. You still have my crown!

Khyra And Sometimes Her Mom said...

It surely is 'special' south of that Mason Dixon Line thingie

Just sayin'

Happy HOWLiday!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

Jazzi said...

Luvs your poem Puddles. It made our day and you have a very Merry Christmas!!!

wags
Jazzi and Addi

Roo said...

Heh Heh Heh now my Christmas morning is complete. Luv the reindeer names BOL :D

Merry Merry Christmas to you and your family my furiend! :D

Waggin at ya,
Roo

Madi and Mom said...

Hey Puddles mom an I absolutely loved you rendition of the classic . In fact, as. Mayor, I plan to start a petition to make it a new classic.
We hope you are all having a lovely Christmas
Hugs
Madi your BFFF

Madi and Mom said...

Hey Puddles mom an I absolutely loved you rendition of the classic . In fact, as. Mayor, I plan to start a petition to make it a new classic.
We hope you are all having a lovely Christmas
Hugs
Madi your BFFF

Sweet William The Scot said...

Puddles, I thought of you today ~ I drove past a house that had broken toilets with red bows in their front yard as Christmas decorations. I knows you would loves that. Hope you are having a Very Merry Merry Christmas Day!
Sweet William The Scot

Brandon - The dog with a blog said...

Oh my, that was wonderful!
Merry Christmas!!

-Brandon's Raiser

Sam said...

Merry Christmas Puddles and best wishes to everyone at your house.

♥Mona + Weenie + Mommy, too♥ said...

Oh Puddles!! You just made our morning. Mommy needed as good nap to wake her up flor work.

Love your tree. Were thry sll your?

Merry Christmas.....Mona & Weenue

Bobbi and Gracie said...

OH PUDDLES! This was great!! hahaha!! I hope you and your family had a good Christmas!

Ruby said...

Hey Gurl! OMD! Furst, that Crown is SOOOO YOU!! You be the Queen of Beers!!
Okays, now the 'Beer Tree' is just FABulous! That musta took you a WHOLE DAY to drinks that many beers! Just thinks, if you and I had a whole weekend, we could drinks enough to decorate the White House Christmas Tree!!! I thinks they would appreciate it, too!
I love the Duct tape hangin' the sockies (ya know, the duct tapes now comes in purty colors? Yups, I had Ma buy me somes zebra stripes, so when my tunnel rips, it'll look classy!)
OMD ~ You looks so cutes on your tippy paws, lookin' outs the windows! You know whats you need? You needs a THRONE!! Yups! The Queen of Beers shouldn't have to be stretchin' on her tippy paws to see her Kingdom! Nope. I mean, how in the hell are you suppose to keep an eye on your cooler, if you have to be strainin' to see out the windows?? Not right. Just sayin'....
Okays, I already been thru like 4 widdle pads readin' your poem, I gots to change this last one befores Ma tries to sit in the chair (she spit out like 87 thousand HBO words the last time I forgots the widdle pad on the chair! Somethin' abouts 'you been readin' Puddles bloggie again????')
Anyhu, I hopes you had a FABulous Christmas, and tell your Moms she's gotta gets you that Throne.

Kisses,
Ruby

Milo Robinson said...

BREAST!?!?! BOL i didn't know santa like da boobs BOL
Merry christmas Puddles,i think your version was better than the orginal
Love Milo :)

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

Those Canadian boys. *sheesh* And what is up with the whole breast thing? *ahem* Very nice rendition, Miss Puddles!

*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Hippobottomus

houndstooth said...

You KNOW turning the comments off doesn't stop me! I hope your humans are all feeling better soon so they can wait on you the way you deserve!

Bunny

KB said...

I love your version best of all!

I hope that your hoomans are better real soon. This is a lousy lousy flu season, let me tell you. You wait on them now, Puddles, so that they can wait on you when they're better. Thinking of you...