I hopes ya'll not mind but I
'Twas da Night Befores Christmas story cuz I thoughted it needed to be a little more updated and modernized to fit todays lifestyles.
I just knows it will be a new classic fur sures.
So, nows lets all go sit down by da tree so I can read it to ya'll.
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through da house
Not a dachshund was stirring, not even a Puddles;
Da socks was hung by the chimney in a complete disarray, cuz I hung ‘em myself
In hopes dat St. Nicholas would gets on withs da show.
We was all curled up all on da couch,
While visions of beer and cheetos, and squirrels danced in my head;
And da Blobs in their furs, and I nekkid unders my blankie,
Had just settled down for a long snooze,
When out on da porch there was such a noise,
I jumped from da couch to see what da heck was goin’ on.
Away to the window I runned like a flash,
Tore open the shutters...even though we ain't got no shutters... and stood way up on my tippie paws..
(fat man done tripped overs my couch and cooler on da porch)
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
(da moon on da breast...WTF?)
Gave the lustre of mid-day to junk below,
(ie: trucks on cinder blocks)
When, what to my nosey eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight big honkin' reindeer,
With a big fat old driver, so hung over,
I knew cuz I be smart, it must be St. Nick.
(dat is da dumest line
And he whistled, and shouted, and hollered and called them by name;
"Now, John Boy! now, Cletus! now, Jimmy Joe, Buck!
On, Cooter! on Earl! On Homer, and Bobby Joe!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
Okays dats all I gots.
Final Card Count:
PLUS a tag, goat, and kangaroo ornament, and sumptin' from Dip, Bridget, and Elliot (I shows later)
A) Corbin sent da hoomans there very own card cuz he felt bad fur them...and sent directions too.
B) Sam and Pippen sent a card specifyin' it was fur da hoomans and I not gets a card from them dis year...damn them.
MERRY CHRISTMAS to all my furiends and stalkers from Me and my family to you and yours!
Pip, if you is readin' dis...my thoughts and prayers are withs you.
Please gets betters real soon. I loves you Buddy!