I Gots Mail

Remembers last week when I was on my death bed and seein' da light, of course ya'll do cuz I keeps talkin' bouts it and milkin' it furs all it's worth.

Wells, I gots 2 cards in da mail from some of da sweetest furiends evers.

 Wanna see my cards?

Sure ya do.

 They is right theres, behind me.

 I guess I ought to move huh?

Okays here they is.

Da one on da left is from Queen Of Everything Kitteh Madi

And it said..."Puddles, you is da bestest thing since sliced suasages!"

Da one on right is from da Dachsies With Moxie...and it had coupons fur kegs of beer...Geoffrey likes to drink withs da Puddles while he holds up quilt pieces fur WHN.

Well, I do be liein' but a girl can dream can't she?

Well I really did gets da cards but no beer and Madi didn't really say dat.

So thank ya'll furs my cards, I do feels betters since I got them.
But let's not tells da mum I feels betters...wink, wink.

I has to also tells ya'll bouts a new furiend I has and I want ya'll to goes and meet hers.

I met her through Khyra

Her name is Nora B. Webster and her is a hoot.

Besides her has a cool name so dat be even more reason to meets her.
(kinda likes Minna Krebs)
So ya'll go right on overs and show her some of dat Blogville love dat I knows you has.

Puddles D. Rainwater...because I needs an initial in my name now

Mangominster

While I was convalescing afters my near death experience, I decided to works on my Mangominster entry. But, I was forced withs a dilemma....

So I says to myself, "Nows Gorgeous, what ever category is you gonna enter since you has so many endearing qualities and so well rounded furs each one?"

It was a tuff decision to make but afters I thoughts long and hard...and thought some mores... and did more thinkin' and eventually had a headache...I finally decided.

Nows I knows ya'll all thoughts I would prolly enters da Too Darn Cute category...

But I ain't.
Cuz ya'll sees, there is mores to me than just a purty face.
(no, really there is)
Aaaaaand since I do be so modest...bwhahahaha...ahem, anyways,
 I decided to get back to my doxie roots and goes withs da...

WORKIN' STIFFS!

I ain't your average workin' dog by no means.

See, I be a dachshund and dat makes me a HUNTER HUNTRESS.

And a freakin' awesome hunter I might add (givin' myself a pat on da back)

I was bred to do dis kinda work...okays, my ancestors were but it is still ingrained in me.

But you must remembers dat I only hunt furs da shear fun and thrill to protect my peeps and territory.

Sooooo, let's get on withs da show shall we?

Intruders has been known to infiltrate da Puddles Perimeter.

Come heres Squirrely, I has treat furs you.

But don't think I just sit and stare...I take my job seriously.

Take Mr. Groundhog furs example...

I was wounded in da battle and has a humongus skar nows.

Dats why they calls me "Skar Neck"...

 ...ummmm, okays so I made dat part up.

Once again, I was put to test with anudder intruder....Mr. Chipmunk

And yea, sometimes I do gets blood and guts on me but it's only fur protecting da ones I loves.

You can also add a squirrel, 2 rats, a mole, and a fly to da resume.

Sometimes I EVEN has to go where no dog dares to go...

... way down in deep, dark caves wheres da boogeyman lives.
But I ain't skeered, I is fierce.

One can nevers be sure what is in da yard so I also has to takes da proper precautions NO matter WHAT it may be.

Squirrels has been known to be cloned as pillows.
.
Nows da safety of my peeps ain't limited to da yard.
Sometimes I has to be on da look out in da house to, you nevers know what dangers lurk theres.
You may needs to view da next foto at your own risk
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Unfortunately, I hads to take Barbie down too.
Hers was up to no good.


I has also been to sacrifice myself and gets bit by a tarantula just to keeps my peeps safe from harm.

My eyeball was practically hangin' outta my head ya'll.

I  also has to protect da environment sometimes too.

"Okays, I gots all da recyclables out, your welcome mudder earth".

Bein' a Worker dog, I also must protect mum when hers goes outside so hers don't fall.
Ya'll knows how graceful hers can be...NOT!

So it is my duty to clean up da pee-cans so hers don't go splat and has da 'hood laughin' at hers.

My workin' ain't just limited to fun and games eithers.
Sometimes I has to help my girl withs her school projects.

It's a tuff job but somebuddy has to do it cuz I be da only one qualified.

I is one proud doxie to serve and to protect...and still be hawt doin' it.

Okays I is done...dis be gettin' too long and I has WORK to do.

Puddles

A Conversation With Mum

sorries furs da crappy foto

So I was havin' a conversation withs my mum bouts us getting sick and I recorded it so ya'll could listen to it...or read it...whatevers.

Puddles: Mum, why does you thinks I gots sick?

Mum: Puddles I have no idea, the vet doesn't think it was viral since Whitney never got sick and you weren't running a fever.

Albert: ZZZZZZZZ....ZZZZZZZZ.

Puddles: So I WAS POISONED! I'm guessing "somebuddy" shouldn't has called animal control on da neighbor's huh?

Mum: Well you weren't poisoned but it's possible someone threw something over the fence and you and Albert got it. And besides we said we weren't going to mention anything about animal control being called to anyone...ever.

 Thinking to my self:  da whole world is gonna knows nows.

Puddles: Kinda likes dat time they threw choco chip cookies, goldfishies, popsicle sticks, rocks, a mop, and a wig?

Mum: Yes just like that. But we'll never know exactly what happened.

Puddles: You knows mum, I was purty darn skeered furs my life theres fur a minute. You knows almost died. And I WAS sicker than brudder.

Mum:  Puddles, you're being a little dramatic don't you think? Now, I was surprised that Albert got sick, I wasn't surprised with you.

Puddles: Mum, I still don't feel good, can you pet me?

Albert: ZZZZZZ....ZZZZZZZ.

Mum: You are fine and have been since Saturday, I have things to do.

Puddles:You is suppose to be at my every beckon call...I is sick.
Well then will you be a gem and fetch me a blankie? I must gets my beauty rest nows.
Mum: There are three blankets on the couch for you.

Puddles: Naw, I don't want them. They smells like dad.
Hey, can you gets me some Cheeto's? And then can you bring me some pee-cans from da yard? Oh and hand me da remote too. I'd also like my Albert fluffed, if you don't mind. Some water would be nice too since I is so parched. And just one more thing, can you has My Girl come and read me a story...I likes to be read to? Remember, I is sick.

Puddles: Mum...mum...wheres you goin'?  Come back mum! Muuuuuuuuum!!!!!

Why is mum gettin' in my beer nows? Hers don't drink beer!!!!

Guess da conversation was making her goes crazy overstimulating hers.

Well, truth is, I is betters today!

But, I is still tryin' to gets all I can outta dis.

Thanks everybuddy fur all your concern.

Puddles

Poop Happens or Does It?????

Welcome to anudder installment of "In Da Life Of Puddles"...starrin' Me, Puddles

I was POISONED!
Sorry, mum says I is bein' a drama queen...whatevers.

I was ridin' along in my automobile (to da vet's office)...hmmm, dat oughta be song.

Anyways, we ain't allowed to sit in da front seat when mum is drivin' so we has to sit in da back seat.

Wells all of a sudden I was possesessed by da poop monster and jumped in mum's lap and guess what I did?

I POOPED ALL OVERS HER!!!!!!!

Heres, I tooks da liberty of drawing ya'll a pikture whiles I was in da waitin' room so you could see.

Poor mum didn't knows whethers to laugh, cry, or vomit.
Hers did all three except fur laugh.

We finally made it to da vet's office and mum hads to go in withs Puddles poop all overs her...bwhahahahaha...sorry but I has to laugh.
Ahem, okays, so I still hads to cares of my bidness ALL overs their floor.

Then they tooks me back to da Evil Chamber where da crazy vet tech lady attempted to takes my temperture and I was all likes "Woman, don't you knows my butt hurts????" Hers obviously didn't cares cuz her done it anyways. I not has a fever.

Vet man (not my usual vet dat knows where I lives) comes in and tests me furs intestinal parasites. Well dat cames back negative...duh, cuz I was poisoned. Then he gaves me a big ginormous shot and ya'll it HURT liked da dickens. Dat was da furstest time I has EVERS jumped outta my skin from a shot.

Well da vet man starts blabbin'to mum dat me almost dyin' could be a number of things and dat it was just real difficult to pin point. He said I could has gotten into sumptin' (doubtful), could be a virus but him didn't think it was dat cuz I didn't has a fever, OR da neighbor's could has very well thrown sumptin overs da fence poisoned me. And there is a reason they would has...they don't likes us.

Well by dis time my poop had turned to nuttin' but blood.
I pooped blood...OMD!
It was grody lemme just tells ya'll.
I thoughts mum was gonna pass out.

We was sent home withs more medications, sumptin' to coat my gut and to keeps me from dehydratin', and some charcoal stuffs, and then some suffs furs da vomitting.
Others than alls dat I feels purty good...NOT!

Soooooo, dat was my trip t da vet and so very much apologize furs talkin' bouts my poops but I just thought ya'll should knows what happened yesterday and please continue withs your hilarious comments cuz da Puddles do needs a laugh today and lawd help, mum sure could use a laugh.

Oh and mum stayed on da couch woths me and Albert last night and hers didn't gets much sleep cuz I kept kicking her her was worried so we may be running late commenting...her is exhausted.

And Albert is doing way betters than me.

And I leaves ya'll withs a foto of me...in my better times when I wasn't poisoned.

Puddles...thanks fur all your well wishes, I greatly appreciate it.

Take A Guess

I'll gives ya'll one guess who be sick nows.

Okays wells dat didn't takes long at aaaaaalls to guess.

Yep, I has da explosive butt nows and my mum is freakin' out handling it purty wells considering there be two of us nows withs da broken butt. Did I mention we throwin' up too?

We is.

How bouts a recap?

Ain't no sense in leavin' anything out....bwhahahaha...I made a funny.

Ahem, okays never mind.

Wells, I went outside to do my bidness and I hearded these kerazy squirtin' noises and it skeered da jeepers outta me so bad dat I ran and ran all overs da yard and under da deck and on top of da deck and back out in to da yard again...I looked likes a kookoodawg.

I tried so desperately to gets away from da squirty sound.

Here I drew a pikture so ya'll could gets da whole effect.
Wasn't dat very thoughtful of me?

Da red lines be my route I took.

I thinks I was poisoned.

(But then again, I hasn't eaten any of mum's cookin'.)

Has anybuddy seen my Stoopid Neighbor's?

We's gonna be just fine though.

But just in case, I'm gonna go work on my will until da vet opens.

Puddles...off to da VET AGAIN withs a freaked out calm mum

Durin' da summer my mum broke da puter, we hads to get a new one.

Then her brokes da kitchen sprayer, it's still broken. 

A few weeks ago, hers broke da new puter, it's betters now. 

On monday hers broke da dishwasher, peoples comin' to fix it today.

NOWS my brudder is broken...

Ya'll waves to my Brudder Albert

I thinks mum broke him too.
 He's poop shooter has gone all haywire.

 Brudder is on some medicashuns furs his broken butt. 
It has charcoal in it. 
Just in case he ate sumptin toxic da charcoal will soak it up (but he be da good dog and don't eats things he ain't suppose to eat unlike udders dat shall remain anonymous).
Oh and my sissy Whitney is much much betters.
I wonders if mum broke her too.


Oh dis is just a pikture of me so ya'll could see me today.

TA DA!



If you evers needs to break sumptin furs whatever reason, say maybe you needs to upgrade your phone or puter, just ask my mum furs assistance.

Of course I has one more thing.
Little Ernie, Frankie's puppy be havin' his tutoring today, yep, he is gonna go haves his STUFFS taken away.
So we is gonna send our good thoughts to him.


Puddles...stayin' FAR FAR away from mum today.

YES!

(Awe...don't I looks all sweet and girly? Be still my own heart)

 Hows Does I look?
Does I looks beautifuls?

Now here be's my answer ...

Ya'll sees...Max, Maggie Mae's brudder...

 (swoooooon...ain't he handsome?)


...askeded ME to go to da Valentine's Dance withs him.
Well Of course, I said heck fire yea cuz he has smitten da Puddles...and I bets ya'll nevers thought I could be smitten...or tamed.
Okays, well I still can't be tamed but dats besides da point.

 

(Sorry, I gots distracted...I seened a squirrel outta da corner of my eye)

Anyways,  so we is gonna go to da dance togethers and I promise I'll be on my bestest behaviors...bwhahahahaha...Oh, I don't knows why but dat made me laugh. 
Does anybuddy knows if dis shindig will have chandeliers by any chance?

Nows, I gots to see what to wears to da dance.

I just noticed I has dirt on my nails in these fotos...geez, hows on earth did dat happen, go figures. So I be's a tomboy.

You can go to Jess and Glacier's bloggie furs more details on da Valetine's Dance.
I thinks I may even has to sing a little tune at da pawty.
Gosh, I cracks myself up.
(Shawnee, what song should I sing?) 

Also, my BFF, Mayzie 

be looking fur hers a date to da dance.
So, go overs and see her postie her has up and maybe YOU could be da lucky dawg...or kitteh...or possum to takes her.
However, I has to approve (her furgots to mention dat in her post)
and you will prolly has a good chance if you sends me cheeto's, beer, and send Mayzie some cheese.

And on anudder note...we tooks da plunge and did Firefox so we could get to EVERYBUDDIES blog...and nows we can.
YAAAAAAY!
Thoughts I was gonna has to fire Blogger as my social representative fur a moment theres. 
But, all is well nows.


Puddles...lookin' purties today

Dis Is Not A Bribery Post

Nope, it ain't.

Dis is just a little furiendly post to say how WONDERFULS I thinks Bunny is.

She has such grace and style dat would make any hound envious.

{ I am at da present moment (until next week) an UNOFFICIAL entrant furs da Mangominster and UNDECLARED category but I thoughts I should prolly gets a jump start on shmoozin' getting ya'll acquainted withs da one and only Miss Bunny}
And since I is unofficial and undeclared I is not breakin' any ethics violations.
I do have higher standards than dat.
 wells okays, not really but it sounds good.

Rest your brains cuz dis is not a bribery post by any means.

(subliminal message ON)

 I don't needs to bribe her withs crowns, collars, diamonds, and rubies cuz I is gonna do dis competition da old fashioned way by winning on my qualities fair and square.

(subliminal message back ON)

Besides it just wouldn't be fairs to Bunny to take advantage of our long standing furiendship in such a demonic way. She just wouldn't stand furs dat cuz dat ain't da kinda dog hers is. And I would nevers in a million trillion years do dat to such a LOYAL furiend.

(And again Subliminal message ON)


You sees, Bunny and I goes way back.

Her was actually one of my very furst bloggy furiends way back when I started annoying other bloggers my blog.

(subliminal message ON again)

I was also greatly honored to be Bunny's coach furs da Big Race...dat Left Pip in a hole, but Bunny, bein' da LOYAL and DEVOTED furiend hers is went back to rescue help Pip. And then they crossed da finish line together. It was a momentous and awe inspirin' moment.

Not to mention da fact dat while I was hard at work trainin' Bunny, da opponents was off eatin' cheeseburgers and drinkin beers.

"COOOOOOOME ON BUUUUUNNY, You can do it!!!!" 

But, not us...we was sweatin' and drinkin' protein shakes.

"dis has been such hard work Bunny"

"Puddles can you be a dear and pass me a protein shake, I am parched"

Did I also mention dat I hads to haul all 1,856 of her collars in my laundry basket?

Hers nearly got us killed but dats okays, anything furs Bunny...and her collars.

(subliminal message ON once again)

Oh my, and da pawties we has been to togethers...likes da time we was involved in kidnappin' my mum's pretend boyfuriend...aaaah yes, good times. But because Bunny is such a darn terrific furiend of mine I would nevers divulge anymores informationals on our pawties. Gots to keeps dat on da down low...and dats just da kinda dog I am.

Did I mention what a LOYAL furiend Bunny is?

( Bunny, what size is your head...just a hypothetical question)

Oh and I has also made arrangements to takes you to da Mango Estate...

 ...so we can all be sures you will arrive in style safe and sound.

Noooooows,

GOOD LUCK today Pip!

*If your mom is reading dis I will has your "turkey burgers" waiting furs you.*

If hers ain't reading dis then I'll haves da REAL burgers.

Aaaaah yep, one more thing...I has to gives a shout out to Ms. Lori C, her don't has a blog but her drank da kool aid reads mine and leaves da sweetest comments so I wants to THANK hers.

THANK YOU Ms. Lori C.

Okays, I is finally done.

Oh and one more thingy, there are still some bloggies I can't gets to like Madi, Downunder Daisy, Jack, and others.

Does anybuddy knows why?

Puddles

Been To Da Vet

I knows...I knows I is likes soooooo late getting mypostie up today.

But, I just gots back from da Vet.

I hads to have my SHOTS...

and some makemenotblowmyfaceup drugs furst...befores my shots.

"lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala"

So dis is my furst year havin' to do all dis because last years I hadded dat awful reaction.

Lemme jog your memory.....

Yep, ya'lls remember dat?

How could ya'll possibly furgets dat...when mum freaked out again.

I is home nows and so far so good.
But seriously, da day ain't overs and ya'll knows how much stuffs happens to me.

And ummmmm...ignore what my blog currently looks likes.
Mum is changing it and it currently looks likes Rainbow Bright exploded all overs it.

Puddles....in Lala land

We Made Cookies

Pip, get betters...PUUUUUUUULEASE!!!!!

I hopes a band-aid will helps.

Back during Christmas I recieved a most deeeeeelish Sugar Cookie recipe from Frankie and I just couldn't waits to try it out.

I told mum hers had to cooks them right away.

Nows da recipe calls fur:

a bunch of flowers

some eggs

alotta sugars

a little bit of baking power

a dab of vanilla stuff

a dash of salt

 and around abouts a red solo cup and half of butters

Mix all it up and stick it in da freezer box fur a little bit

Then you roll it all out on a surface dat has more flowers on it.

Use some cookie cutters to cuts purty shapes in.

Yay, finally I is gonna gets some bone cookies...

 What does you mean we don't has a bone cookie cutter?

...except we didn't haves a bone cookie cutter....

(Could haves marked it withs a "P" furs me...get it? Shawnee I hopes dat song don't gets stuck in your head)

 HEHEHEHEHEHEHE!

...nor did we has da flowers, vanilla, butter, or eggs. Ummm, yea, we didn't has sugars eithers.

Folks, these are da staples of ANY household and we had NONE of it.

I thoughts...what IS we gonna do?

 "OMD...you can'ts be serious...prebaked cookies?"

Alls I can say is WTH?

Wells, ifs dat is all I has to works with then I guess it'll do

"uh, does we has a cookie pan?"

 "I opens da package furs you mum...maybe you want gets hurts if I helps you."

" Hang on mum, da kitchen is da other way."

Then mum slaps da PRECUT cookies on da pan...

( Roll it up, roll it up; And throw it in a pan!...ahem, Shawnee)

yeppers, we aktually hads a cookie pan. I was shocked myself.

Da cookies on da pan....

"Blech...ahem...blech....ahem...aaaack"

Dis was wheres I sucked down 2 prebaked cookies and nearly choked to death.

(NOTE: Mum tooks a foto of me chokin'...are you kiddin' me????)

Ta da!

And heres they is when theys camed outta do oven.

Look...look...hers didn't burn 'em....yay!

They is even nice and uniform.

Dats what prebaked cookies can do.

They still suck though.

Puddles...still gaggin'