They Is All Sick

Sorry but da hoomans decided to go gets da FLU and nows 

they is all whiny and moanin and groanin and really bein' pathetic.

I has them quarantined to a back room so I not catch it.

Please be patient withs us until they gets healthies again.

In da mean time I'll be watchin' TV whiles they do whatevers they do while hoomans is sick.

Puddles

Oh and I has comments off

Twas Da Night Before Christmas by Puddles

I hopes ya'll not mind but I ruined  rewrote da classic  'Twas da Night Befores Christmas story cuz I thoughted it needed to be a little more updated and modernized to fit todays lifestyles. I just knows it will be a new classic fur sures. So, nows lets all go sit down by da tree so I can read it to ya'll. *************** 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through da house Not a dachshund was stirring, not even a Puddles; Da socks was hung by the chimney in a complete disarray, cuz I hung ‘em myself   In hopes dat St. Nicholas would gets on withs da show.    We was all curled up all on da couch, While visions of beer and cheetos, and squirrels danced in my head; And da Blobs in their furs, and I nekkid unders my blankie, Had just settled down for a long snooze, When out on da porch there was such a noise, I jumped from da couch to see what da heck was goin’ on. Away to the window I runned like a flash, Tore open the shutters...even though we ain't got no shutters... and stood way up on my tippie paws.. (fat man done tripped overs my couch and cooler on da porch)

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow (da moon on da breast...WTF?) Gave the lustre of mid-day to junk below, (ie: trucks on cinder blocks) When, what to my nosey eyes should appear, But a miniature sleigh, and eight big honkin' reindeer, With a big fat old driver, so hung over, I knew cuz I be smart, it must be St. Nick. More rapid than eagles his coursers they came, (dat is da dumest line) And he whistled, and shouted, and hollered and called them by name; "Now, John Boy! now, Cletus! now, Jimmy Joe, Buck! On, Cooter! on Earl! On Homer,  and Bobby Joe! To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall! Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!" Okays dats all I gots. Final Card Count:  ME: 68 e-cards: 8 PLUS a tag, goat, and kangaroo ornament, and sumptin' from Dip, Bridget, and Elliot (I shows later) Hoomans: 7 A) Corbin sent da hoomans there very own card cuz he felt bad fur them...and sent directions too. B) Sam and Pippen sent a card specifyin' it was fur da hoomans and I not gets a card from them dis year...damn them. MERRY CHRISTMAS to all my furiends and stalkers from Me and my family to you and yours! Puddles Pip, if you is readin' dis...my thoughts and prayers are withs you. Please gets betters real soon. I loves you Buddy!

12 days of Christmas by Puddles

Today I thoughted I would shares withs everybuddy my song writting skills.

Nows, I wrote dis refurbished version of da 12 Days of Christmas...

...feels free to sing along withs me.

Ahem...aaaahem...sorry, had to clears my throat.

Ahem...a one and a two and a three...

On da furst day of Christmas my true love gave to me

a SQUIRREL in a PEE-CAN tree

On da second day of Christmas my true love gave to me

Two ROLLS of DUCK TAPE (don't ask)

On da third day of Christmas my true love gave to me

Three HOWLING DACHSHUNDS

On da forf day of Christmas my true love gave to me

Four STOOPID NEIGHBORS

On da fif day of Christmas my true love gave to me

FiveBAGS OF CHEETOS

On da sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me

Six CASES OF BEER

On da seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me

Seven DEADED STUFFIES

On da eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me

Eight PICK UP TRUCKS ON CINDER BLOCKS

On da ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me

Nine BOTTLES OF BENADRYL

On da tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me

Ten ROLLS OF TOILET PAPER

On da eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me

Eleven ALLERGIC REACTIONS

On da twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me.....
can somebuddy helps me heres????????

And I'll be back on Monday cuz I has trashed  updated 'Twas da Night Befores Christmas just furs ya'll

***********************************
Nows, we is gonna check in withs Chrissy, da Elf on da Shelf to sees what her has been doin'.
Her is SUPPOSE to make sures everybuddy is bein' good but her has been just awfuls
Well, I'll be glad when her goes back to da North Pole.
Just look what her has been doin'.....

Her has founded my beer.
( I snaped dis foto with no intentions of her lookin' like her was pole dancin'.)

PUDDLES...off to find my beer...and Chrissy da little wench


 

Pressies fur ME

Hellos ya'll!

I has tons and gobs of stuffs to tells ya'll.

Furst I wants to tells ya'll bouts what I gotted in da mail.

PRESSIES FUR ME!!!!!

Brudder Goose and his MOM sent me dis...

 It be a See Beautiful  tag furs my fake faux Martingale collar.

Heres, I biggify it furs ya'll

Ain't dat purties?

They thinks I is gawjuss and beautifuls and has a heart of gold and funny, and beautifuls.

Okays, well they didn't really say dat but I knows they was thinkin' it.

Ahem...anyways, and they had da sweetest message to me in da card, I almost cried.

Thank you Brudder Goose and MOM, I will always cherish my tag and always thinks of ya'll when I wears it.

We sees Beautiful all da time nows.

And earlier I made a comment on Marge's blog dat I wanted a goat furs Christmas.
Like, who don't wanna goat.

Wells, low and behold they sented me a GOAT to my house.

OMD I was stunned and shocked.

It ain't a real one but who cares cuz it's a GOAT and I loves him.

Also I gotted in da mail a beautiful ornament from Bella, Daisy, and Roxy.

Gosh, I loves them girls.

It is a kangaroo and I very quickly put it on my tree and almost knocked it overs. in doin' so.
Nows my Christmas tree is purtiers.

A big HUGE Thank You to all my awesome stuffs dat I has gotted in da mail.
So who cares if Santa comes now, I gotts stuffs.

And on a side note...

I nevers wanted to mention Newton, Ct on my blog because cuz I wants my blog to be a feel good place wheres we can has fun. Howevers, my heart melted when I seen what My Girl done and I wanted to shares it withs ya'll.

 Her has had a much difficult time withs what happened in CT.

Hers made it Friday night and stucked in da door window.

I do believes I has raised an awesome kid if I do say so.

Okays I is done.

PS: Mum had her Hellbow shot on Monday so we is gettin' back into da swing of things.
Her really needs to take dis blog more seriously if you ask me.

Puddles

Seeing Beautiful

Ya'll I is doin' my furstest evers See Beautiful post so I can helps
Brudder Goose and his MOM gets some money fur a project near and dear to
their hearts...da Lantern House's pet area.
SUGAR will donate $1 (up to $100) to the Pet Area at St. Anne's/Lantern House Homeless Shelter. 
Nows my Kerazy Lady is gonna join me today but not to worry cuz I
still gonna put my two cents in, udder wise it would be a very much borin' post. 

But I is gonna go furst cuz I has sumptin to say.
I wanna say dat Brudder Goose and his MOM has really shown us and taught us
to sees beautiful in da things we ordinarily takes fur granted, in da things we is sometimes too busy to really "see", and in things you just has to look at differently at.
So I wanna say thank you to them.
Thank you! 
  

 I see the beauty in a little girl that still BELIEVES.
Well I sees beauty cuz hers be my bestest friend...holdin' some freakish thing.

The beauty of this crazy but wonderful dog that makes me laugh.
A dog that is fearless, loving, and keeps me on my toes.
Uh, alls you had to say is dat I IS beautifuls...duh.

I see beautiful in the tradition of hot cocoa at Christmas
(mum, there is no cocoa in dat cup you goofball)
Puddles, it was just for a photo.
All is wells since I not allowed to has cocoa cuz it will dead me.

The beauty of our Christmas tree that is full of memories from the time my daughter was born til now.
I just sees a tree withs no pressies unders it.

...and just the beauty in the magic of Christmas season.

Okays, mum I nows know why you leaves da bloggin' to me...you is B O R I N'! 

I also see the beauty of all you wonderful friends in Blogville, the support, the laughs,

and the many smiles we have all shared.

Thank you for letting us into your lives and loving this crazy little dog of ours.
(Psssst...I be da little dog mum is talkin' bouts. )
And thank you to alls my wonderful furiends furs acceptin' me just as I is.

PS: we hasn't been around much cuz mum's HELLbow has gone rogue again.
But, we is back on track nows.

Puddles

A Card Story

 I has a funny card story I wanna tells ya'll bouts.

And dis here foto has not a single thingy to do withs my post
but I not has a foto to go withs my post today.
Well, of me anyways.
Likes our wallpaper with crowns?
I is a princess so I needs crowns.
Just kiddin', it's fake...they really be a window theres and mum put dat background theres in PSE.
But who cares cuz it, again ain't got squat to do withs dis post.

Nows here is a really bad, terrible, crappy foto of all my cards....
...but da cards be beautifuls.
Nows, does ya'll sees dat card withs da big arrow and circle?
Yea, likes you could miss it or sumptin.

(Yes, we gotted a bigger door to dislay my cards on)

Okays my story has to do withs dat card.

Mum: Puddles, you got another card in the mail

ME: (poppin' a cheeto in my mouf) Ooooooh hand it to me.

*opening card*

ME: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Mum: well, who is it from?

ME: Oh my gosh, you won't believes who it was from mum.

Mum: Are you going to tell me or not?

ME: It be from Tom and Suzanne!

Mum: Tom and Suzanne from my gym?

ME: yeppers, dat would be da ones...dat was awfully nice of them to send me a card

Mum: But, they are MY friends

ME: Whatevers, they sent me a card though.

Mum: BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP

ME: Mum, why don't you grabs da tape and sticks dis card up withs my udder cards so I can looks at it and relish in all da glory.

I thoughted dat was a most hilarious story. 

My mum's gym furiends sent ME a card instead of her...

....BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh I loves Christmas!

And I has more card stories to shares dis week.
You can't stand can you?
But I has to wait cuz my dad be off work today so him can go to da dentist
and my mum has to go withs him to hold his hand cuz he be skeered shitless
cuz her loves him.


Christmas Card Contest
ME:
Snail Mail: 40
ecards: 9
telepathic: 1 from Shawnee (long story)

Hoomans: 1...
because 2 were addressed to them so dat gives them .5 each to makes a whole

Puddles.D. Rainwater

A Wednesday post

Sorry but comin' up with creative titles is just NOT my fortay.
But on withs my post.

Sees, Mum prides herself in her ability to clean cuz dats alls her can do without breakin' anything or hurtin' herself. Or it could have sumptin to do withs hers just bein' a clean freak...I dunnos.

Well, here I is in da Junk Room. 

It be da room where everything goes dat ain't got no place to go.

 Does ya'll has one of these rooms?

We actually calls it da Blue Room cuz it be blue.

Well come on, follow me.

 I wants to shows ya'll sumptin'.

I was in heres cuz I was bein' nosey wanted to be in heres.

 "hmmmmm...what does we has heres?"

They law has mercy look what I founded.

Hang on, dis foto deserves to be bigified.
Hehehehehe......

I founded me a hair ball.

I thinks I will make a wig withs it.
I has always wanted long hair.

So nows mum can't cook OR clean.

(OMD, I thinks her just threw up...mum, wheres you goin'? It was just a gigantic hair ball))

Okays but hers can give me good...

...snuggles.

(dat oughta get me on da nice list)

Hey, while I is thinkin' bouts it...does anybuddy knows how to get rid of liver spots?

okays now dis part has absolutely nuttin' to do withs my post but my mum said I HAD to post dis foto of my Sissy Whitney cuz hers not fotogenic like me we has very few fotos of hers and mum FINALLY gotted a halfway decent one.

well, minus all da leaves stuck in her hairs.
I see LOTS of hairs out of place too.
(add anudder point to da nice list)

Christmas Card Tally:

ME: snail mail 29 
         e-cards: 3

Hoomans: .5 (that would be POINT 5)

Puddles

Christmas Cards and blah blah blah

So I gotted my Christmas cards in da mail last week.
You knows da ones I is sendin' out.

Mum opened da box and was HORRIFIED at what her seened.
Hers was all likes OMG Puddles WHY in the bleep did you pick that picture?

(Well dats what her gets fur lettin' me pick out da foto.)

I telled her da cards couldn't possibly be anymore prefect cuz da foto really shows my personality...

...bwhahahahahahaha!

Sorry dat should has been in caps...

....BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Okays betters.

See I thoughted bouts da one wheres I was rollin' my eyeballs, then I thoughted bouts da one
wheres I was givin' my bestest eat crap look, but I settled on anudder one dat really captures da Puddles spirit.
But I can't shows it to you.

Lemme tells ya'll, I has bee slavin' away gettin' my cards addressed and licked and what not.
These little paws of mine has nevers worked so hard in their entire life.

 Can't you tells how hard I has been workin'?

(I also cussed out PISScasa some mores overs da weekend)

Heres da cards I has gotten.

They is on da baffroom door so I can sees them while I is on da couch.
I thinks we may need a bigger door.
(Goose, can you makes a bigger door withs your power tools?)

I thinks I is gonna be embarrassed of my card afters seein' all these beautiful ones I has gotted.

CHRISTMAS CARD COUNT:

ME: 22

HOOMANS: .5

They gets .5 cuz one was addressed to me and My Girl

Puddles