Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Bar Now Open

Happy New Year's Eve Furiends!
Come right in.....
  (sorry, Sasha went a little wild withs da umbrellas..poked herself 23 times)

Da bar is now open!

Step right up and let us gets you a drink.
 Sasha has been on cherry and umbrella patrol...obviously.
Ruby and I has been concoctin' all types of drinks...all taste tested and approved.
Ruby is also on beer duty...kegs, cans and bottles.
(yes, we went all Tom Cruise in da makin' of dis post,,,I can flip bottles now so watch out)
And Madi has her famous nip-a-tinis...but careful with those.

Nows we has a wide variety of drinks available.
For those of you too young to drink then we has ya'll covered.
We has an assortment of sodas.
My apologies fur da mess they is in...I was busy taste testin' our drinks.

We also has some sparklies fur all you love birds out there.
Ahem...Ernie, Roxy...Taffy and Stanley...toast to your wimmen.

Now I Puddles along withs Sasha, Ruby and Madi has been slavin'
away to bring ya'll some of da bestest cocktails you will evers taste.
We has tested each and every one and we approved them.
It was a tuff job but we was up fur da task.

First, we has MY signature drink.
 da Cheetarita.
Trust me, you will want 3 or 12 of these babies.

Next we has da Decapitated Barbie Cooler.
Go easy on dis one, it may look girly but it is a real ass kicker.

And of course, da Puddles Bombdiggity.
Prolly should not drink dis one near open flames.
But da Blogville Fire Dept and EMTs is on stand by.

Dis one heres is called da Dirt Digger Decadence
It be made withs only da finest southern ingredients.
(Sasha, stop eatin' all da cherries)

Next up we has Madi's famous Catnip Delight...with olives.

 You can find these at da Nip-a-tini Bar.
Caution: Do not swing from da gold strandy things.

We also has a most wonderful Ruby Red Cosmopolitan.
 It is potent ya'll...had 2 of 'em and thought I had 7 paws.

And Sasha has concocted several different flavors of these little  
Saucy Silly Sashas
Hers done such a swell job withs them umbrellas...hehehe.

We also has plenty of beer.
But we only does Bud heres.

 see Ruby for keg, can or bottle

Nows, these is just a few selection of our drinks we has.
We can make what evers you wants.
And be sures to tell us if you would likes us to put it on Frankie's credit card.
Just in case, his number is....
5555 1234 5678.

We is behind da bar (on stools..not Ruby though) ready to takes your order.
Oh and in da back laounge area we is havin' a showin' of mum's runaway car
from da security footage at da gas station...courtesy of Goose.

And Angel Pip, if you is out theres, can you fly me in a cheeseburger?
I is starvin'!
Give me heads ups so I can gets out of your way befores you try to land.

Remember, stay safe and no drinkin' and drivin'.

Puddles, Sasha, Ruby, and Madi

Monday, December 30, 2013

Makin' Fun of Mum on Monday #492744

Hellos all my dear furiends and udders dat come to reads bouts my life.
I hopes you all haded a wonderful Christmas...or whatevers you celebrates.
I myself had a most luverly celebration but I will tells you all bouts it laters
in da week.
See, today I has anudder one of my famous stories to shares withs ya'll.
And yep, it be a Kerazy Lady story...BEST EVERS if I do say so.
Her has done some STOOPID stuffs befores but dis one...dis one...
...dis one takes da cheetos or cake, whatevers.
So be prepared, sit down and gets comfy.
Okays, let's all gather 'round in a circle.
(Ernie, be still and listen)

Okays here we goes....
It was December 23rd, cold and blistery and early in da day mum went to da bank 
to gets some monies. Her just threw her monies in to hers pocketbook instead
of hers wallet...sumptin her nevers do.
Later in da day hers went to da mall...in da car...to do some last minute shoppin'
(only morons go to da mall 2 days before Christmas).

So hers gotted done withs her stuffs and on da way home
her stopped at a gas station, parked hers car, gots out and locked da doors.
Those is suppose to be devil horns but they is really peppers cuz I had no horns.  

Well then hers went in da store and remembered hers money was in her
 pocketbook and not in hers wallet so then hers walked out to retrieve her monies.

Hers opened da store door and her seen her car...for a moment hers thoughted
someone was STEALIN' it...cuz it was not wheres her parked it.
But then hers realized it was ROLLIN' through da parking lot of da store!!!!!!
Good thing mum haded on her runnin' shoes cuz hers had to RUUUUUN through
da parkin' lot to chase hers car down...running like a zombie was chasin' her kinda run.

So hers finally gotted to hers runaway car but then hers had to wait til it rolled past
da concrete barrier thingamajig to be ables to get da door open.
But then da door was locked so hers had to unlock da door as da car was still rollin'.
But hers got it unlocked and got in and stopped it.
Then, hers had to look around to sees if anybuddy seen how stoopid her was.
Nows, luckily mum went back out to gets her money or hers car would has been 
in da middle of a MAJOR, BUSY BUSY road in Greenville (big city next to us).

Nows folks, there be so many morals to dis story but I shall just choose one....
when you parks your car...make sure you has da gear shift in PARK...it be there
fur a freakin' reason...to make sures your car is PARKED.

And her says I not a good driver...BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Okays now nuffs bouts mum's stoopidity...
Be back heres tomorrow fur when da bar opens at 12 pm fur da New Year's Eve Bash.
Ruby, Madi, Sasha, and I will be mannin' da bar...or should dat be womanin?
Anyways, we will has drinks fur all ages.


Monday, December 23, 2013

Da Day Before Christmas Eve Post

Greetings all and happy Monday!
Okays so obviously I is alive from hasin' my shots.
I had NO allergic reaction dis time.
However, they not gives me my rabies shot...they is still discussin' whether or not to do it.
Nows while I was hangin' out at da vets office I gots to play video games
and watch some teevees and then unfortunately I did gets busted fur
tryin' to do some surgical procedures (mum nt put dat on hers list).
I was all gowned and masked and everything.
I was gonna do a lobotomy but dat dog just needed a toof extraction.
Ooops, my bad.
So all went well.

Nows lemme me shows ya'll my cards.
They is over yonders, can you sees them?
Okays, lemme gets a better foto.

I has 2 doors withs all my beautiful cards.
I has 62 cards here.

Nows I wanna shows ya'll da hoomans door, it's da baffroom door.
 They has ONE card!
I shall biggify it furs ya'll.

don't laugh.
It was from Ruby da Airedale's mum to my mum.
It was a lame plot to gets hoomans more cards.
I was like..."OH NO SHE DIN"T!"
But hers did...hehehehe!

Puddles...STILL withs more cards.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Off To Da Vet...LALA

Furiends and stalkers, today is a BIG, SKEERY day fur me.

Remember last year when I haded 2 reactions
in one day to my yearly shots and all da swellin' messed up my hairs?
Well, I is gonna do it all again today!
I is goin' in to has my shots.
(cuz I lucky likes dat)

I KNNNOWS ya'll is all wonderin' why in da hell I is havin' shots
when I be so allergic to them. Well, my good ol' Dr. Vet says
my allergies outweigh da fact dat I is a hunter and I dead critters and I gets into all
sorts of things and I is out and about to places...
...it would be betters fur me to has shots then NOT to has any.
But don't be goin' and gettin' your furs in a wad, I has had my precautionary drugs
...87 mg of Benadryl...so I is good to go.
Dr. Vet also wants me to camp out at his clinic
so da staff can watch me to sees if I has a reaction admires my beauty.
Now my mum has taken it upon herself to write da staff a letter
while I is in their care.

Rules for Puddles:
1. Do not let her have access to phones, computers, or copiers

2. Do not look into her eyes, she can easily manipulate the devil with them.

3. Do not let her outside to use the bathroom or walk without at least 3 supervisors.

4. If she offers you anything to drink, do not accept, especially the kool-aid

5. I am also sending earplugs to each staff member because she likes to talk... A LOT. She loves to tell stories. And she can carry on a conversation with herself.

6. If you receive any phone calls from the FBI, CIA, Secret Service, Homeland Security...I have never seen this dog in my life.

7. Do not let her talk you into letting her drive you around. I know you have mud outback at the clinic and she has always wanted to go "Mudding". No matter what she says, she is a terrible driver.

8. Keep all sharp objects away from her. That also includes flammables.

9.Most importantly, take care of this little girl. She may be a handful but she is our family and we love her.

GREAT! now I is gonna has no fun while I is theres..HMMMP!

Nows, if anything happens to me I loves you all!
Just kiddin', ain't nuttin' gonna happens...well, I hope not but who really knows withs me.

Nows I is off to da vet.


PUDDLES: paper cards- 60
                  email cards-9

(and I'll be explainin' dat laters...thanks Ruby's MA...NOT!)

(hey mum, can I drives to da vet's?)

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Dear Santa Man....

I decided to email a letter to Santa Man so
he would knows bouts his little Elf and da
chaos her has caused.

Dear Santa Man,

Dis is Puddles D. Rainwater and we needs to talk.
Your little elf Chrissy has been heres at my homestead causin' total havoc furs me. I can not takes it anymores. Can you please come gets her? I is quite certain there is a far more worse dogs than me in dis world, can you send her to their house? I mean fur pete's sake hers even tried to turn me into a sled dog. I does not has da body to be a sled dog.
And one thing I does not take well is peoples OR elves usin' my shavin' creams. Then hers even stold Skipper's convertible. And  hers has been corruptin' Mini Puddles. Her was already corrupted but dat ain't da point. Also, her has been mean to my Gussie and I will not tolerate dat at alls. Her tolded him him was not purties. Him is beautifuls. So, you has a lot of makin up to do fur me havin to endure dis kerazy, possessed elf. I will send you a rough draft of what I want. I has also attached some fotos as examples of Chrissy's behavior, just so you'll knows.

Puddles D. Rainwater

attemptin' to turn me into a sled dog

 stealin' MY shavin' creams

carjackin' Skipper's convertible

on da fone withs Gussie...pretendin' to be Alicia.

Christmas Card Count

Puddles: paper cards- lost count

                   email cards- lost count

        Hoomans- who cares, I is winnin'


Friday, December 13, 2013

Fridays with Chrissy Part3

Hellos boys and girls!
I gotted so many comments bouts me havin' to sleep
withs one eye open cuz of Chrissy.
You knows, cuz her is evil and a little possessed.
Does ya'll has ANY idea hows hard it is to sleeps withs one eyeball open?
It is very much difficult.
And I is no good at it.
So what does a good dog such as myself do when a nap is needed?

TA DA!!!!!!
Yes, yes I did lock hers up in da Puddles crate.


"Shut up Chrissy!"


Also, please send healin' vibes to WHN
cuz her be in da hospital withs a sick
bowel thingy and may has to has surgicals
to fix it.


Friday, December 6, 2013

Fridays with Chrissy Part 2

Happy Friday everybuddy.
Welcome to anuddr edition of CHRISSY!

Well, I should say it WAS a Happy Friday UNTIL....

Here her is at da door peekin' in.

Befores I could even gets my head out of my blankie my damn sissy
Whitney done lets her in da house.
I screamed and shouted not to lets her in but sissy tolded me not to
be rude and dat Chrissy was a guest.
A guest my butt.

Then befores I could even gets anudder good scream out
Chrissy done met and befuriended none udders than Mini Puddles.
"Oh hells" I thoughted to myself , "dis not gonna be good".

 Matter of fact, I was down right petrified.
But I did manage to return to my scheduled nap.

A short time laters I woked up to dis...
 Now don't be goin' "Oh how cute they is in da sled."
Uh huh, ya'll just think her is in a sled.
Well you sees them reins?

She hooked me up to da sled!
I woked up likes dis...all hooked up in reins attatched to a sled!

Da Puddles is no sled dog!
I is huntin' dog!

But not to worry, Chrissy now knows I is no sled dog afters I tooked her and
Mini Puddles on da ride of a lifetime...I tooks them allllll overs da yard and we was goin'
KERPLUUUUNK...they tipped overs.
OMD I laughed and laughed.

Stay tuned til next Friday

Puddles...not sled dog.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Please Welcome....

Back in October Blogville losted a very important citizen.
Our sweet Pip.
He was my best furiend, my partner in crime, my mentor,
and so much more.

 And I know He was very important in da lives of so many of you also.
Well since Pip became an angel he has been on a mission...
...a mission to find his family a dog.

Him was bound bit and determined fur his family to love anudder dog
cuz they just has SOOOOO much love to gives. 
We all knows how well loved and cared for Pip was when he was heres.
So it was very important fur him to has anudder dog to be ables to experience dat same
special love he received from them fur so many years.

His mission...
So furiends, it is with great honor dat I would likes to help welcome
RUBY 2...
(I has anudder BFF named Ruby so dis Ruby is Ruby 2 so I not gets confuzzled)
...to Blogville and into our lives. 
Ruby now has a wonderful lovin' home with Pip's hoomans and her even has
 a hooman sister dat Pip adored.
So please run overs and meet Ruby and gives our special Blogville welcome so hers
will feel at home.
She might be shy at first but I knows with all of us we can bring hers right outta dat shell...
and I has promised to break her in easy...BWHAHAHAHA...dat means I is not
allowed to drive her around, take her to no parties, or gives her nuttin' to drink.
Note Angel Pip:
If you is readin' dis Pip, I promise I will takes care of Ruby and not lets her gets into
too much trubles. However, her is a girl and we girls has minds of own.
Okays, scratch dis note...I can't promise anything...BWHAHAHAHAHA!
But I still has my coupon so all should be okays (must make copies)

Monday, December 2, 2013

Happy Monday boys and girls!
I hopes you all had a most wonderful Thanksgivin' and 
eated plenty of turkey...or squirrels...whatevers tingles da taste buds.
Mine was just terribles.
Dumb ass kerazy lady done hurted herself again.
I knows, I knows, ain't nobuddy heres shocked.
Her messed up her hip flexor muskle.
Woman could NOT even goes potty cause it pulled on da muskle.
Her said it hurted so bad it made her sick to her belly.
Her also mentioned it was worser than da hellbow.
Her be betters now though.

Howevers, I is not heres to blog bouts mum bein; more of an idiot 
than normal...I is heres to tells you bouts my package I gotted
four scores and a hundred years ago from Wyatt and Stanzie.
It was their Halloween Contestical.

Now, let's all gather around in a circle and lemme tells ya'll.

Here I is withs my box...and why yes, I is on da big bed..in mum and da's room.
(sorry Brudder Albert...BWHAHAHAHAHA).
Oh and ignores all da laundry.
"Mum, I needs some help here!"

Mum gotted my box opened fur me and boy was I excited.
I stucks my nose in da box.

Oh my goodness...look at dis!

It be a squirrel stuffie!
I really needed dis cuz ever since da Pee-can Thievin' Man came and stoled
my trees there has been NO squirrels in my yard.

So heres a shot of all my loot in it's glory.
Da bat cracks me up and mum 'specially loves dat it be a silent squeaker.

Thank you very much fur my stuffies Wyatt and Stanzie...I loves them lots.

Don't go no wheres. I has to tells ya'll what happened next.
See, I was just mindin' my own business and gettin' to know Mr. Bat betters.

I was havin' a blast and even tooks him to my secret hideout when
 I seened outta da corner of my eyeball...
...Brudder Albert stuffienapped Squirrel Man!

I gotted it back though cuz dats how I roll.

But dear heaven it stanked to hell withs his breath....UGGGGGGH!
WOOOOOWHEEEEEEEE, I feel da vomit comin' up.

Now I is done.

Also, Madi and her mom will be updatin' on da son-in-law
as soon as they gets info from his surgicals on Tuesday.
So please, in da meantime, keep sendin' your vibes and prayers to Greg
and da family.

And also Brian and his clan have been ill so head on overs and let 
them knows ya'll is thinkin' of 'em. 
I knows their dad needs some support right nows.

PS: Nows dat I thinks bouts it, I thinks dat is a beaver and not a squirrel.