All because of my Brudder

Greetings dear fans and readers.

Ya'll knows my Brudder Albert right?

You knows Mr. Perfect, Mr. No Can Do No Wrong, mum's "soul mate", Blob #1

Yea him.

 He on da couch.

 Heres him is again.

(I knows he is patrolin da street but according to da kerazy lady it's nuttin, but hers has no idea da importance of bein' safe and dats what we do)

Aaaaaand again.

Wells him gots us alls in trubles cuz him jumped off da side of da couch arm...
...what an idiot. not a good idea.

So does ya'll knows what happened because he did dat?????

Mum moved da couch away froms da window!

Nows da couch is against da wall.

And I was all likes "NOOOOOOOO MUM!"
I thinks I added a few more exclamations though.
And then hers was all like..."it is my job to keep you all safe so the couch has to be moved and you know Albert has a sensitive back."

It was just blah blah blah and blah to me.

Maybe her should learns to control her Albert betters.
Ooooh me, did I just say dat out loud?

Nows I has to do dis...

 ...stand of my tippie paws!

I reckon it'll gets my calves in shape.
I don't thinks I really has calves so it will be pointless.

Puddles...withs calves of steel...and buns.

I is a Green Monster

I may be a girl but I is definitely NOT  your average diva, princess or girly girl.
I is tomboy!
(Heck, I probably ain't even your average dog)
I likes to hunt, dig, roll around in dirt, hunt, protect my yard, and hunt. Oh and I likes to dig too.
But just cuz I is a tomboy don't mean I don't likes to be fashion forward at da same time.
(Nor does it mean I don't likes to sit on my front porch while wearin' a crown)

And how does I do dis you is wonderin'.
I does it be wearin' Green Monster. (ain't dat a cool name?)
Ooooooh, I sounds likes a commercial.


Jessica at Green Monster custom made a coat just to fits me cuz I is uniquely shaped...(and cuz my mum can't sew worth a snot) which makes it very much difficult to find clothes in da stores...and I only weighs 9point5 pounds nows. (Told ya'll I don't gets feds)

Somebuddy giiiiiives me a mirror so I can sees myself!

I gots to pick da fabric out aaaaaall by myself withs no help from nobuddy.

I picked me out a print withs hot dogs and cola cuz it wasn't all super girly and stuffs
It really suits my personality doncha thinks?

And da cool thing is dat....

 it's REVERSIBLE!!!!!!
It has dachshunds on it.

Nows da bestest part of dis coat is dat it don't restrict me from doin' my daily activities
which is most impawtant furs a dog likes me.

I can sleep in it.

I can stalk da squirrels in da tree.

And I can hunt.

And still be gorgeous while doin' my impawtant stuffs.

Ya'll must check at da Green Monster site to gets a custom made jacket fur yourself.
They can fit any size doggie, not just a Puddles size.

And just anudder foto cuz....well, it's me.

Puddles...call fur all your advertising or commercial needs.

A No Post

I won't mention any names but SOMEBUDDY thought they posted my post I worked so hard on.

I hads it all typed up and readies to go and then I told SOMEBUDDY to post it cuz I hads to go pee.

I thoughts, surley Somebuddy couldn't mess dat up.

Somebuddy "posted" it and then they lefted.

Somebuddy comes home and says..." Puddles, you haven't got the first comment today."

I says..."WTF you talkin' bout woman???"

So then I sent Somebuddy to checks Blogger and what does you knows...not only did my post NOT post I couldn't even find it in my drafts.

So nows I has no post but I has a foto of me to makes up fur it.

***********************************************

Run free Sweet April.

We love you and will miss you...

until meet again.

A Brief Notice

Such a stoopid title...but ya'll knows how I is withs titles.

I has some most impawtent imformationals to shares withs ya'll today.

Ya'lls lively hood and well being may just depend on it...

or your advancement in da hierarchy of pack leadership...or whatevers.

As ya'll and da whole world knows, Ms. Nikon moved in our house recently and since then da homestead has been in a total disarray of sorts.

See, I likes my household running smooth just as da hairs on my head (even though dat nevers happens...da house not da my hairs).

And I likes to keeps everything on on a perfect schedule.
I do be a very schedule oriented doggie.

Howevers, does ya'll has any idea what happens in da house at da SCHEDULED feeding time????

It will blow your minds furiends!

Da new Ms. Nikon comes out...

"mum...why you wanna takes piktures nows?"

...at DINNER time!
It really throws a kink into my schedule.

"Does you knows what time it is?"

I mean I can't helps da fact dat I be so purties and mum wants to captures by
most beautiful self at all times of da day.

"Woman, I ain't playin' games withchoo"

Unfortunatly I has to takes matters into my own paws.

"Don't make me come afters you woman!"
{And NO, I has no idea why dat foto looks da way it does.}



I goes in furs da Suplex...dats a wresting term.

"KAPOWWWWWIEE!"

{somebuddy needs to goes to da beauty parlor}

 I squish da kerazy lady likes a bug.

SQUISH

SQUISH

SQUISH

Sometimes you just has to teach da hoomans a lesson when it comes to dinner time.

Da above fotos were taken BEFORES da elbow shot and hers had to put da camera on da floor to take fotos cuz her couldn't lift da camera.

 da kerazy lady thanks ya'll tremendously fur da good vibes and well wishes bouts her elbow.

Her elbow is feelin' betters nows from da shot hers had.

Her be's almost back to normals....bwhahahahaha...dat just sounded funny...normal...ha!

And our furiend April is very sick so if you could
go gives her some good thoughts then dat would be nice.

And Weenie has pancreatitis so him needs some good thoughts as well.

And I has no idea what has happened to my signature but I is signin' off now.
Meet me back heres on Wednesday.

Puddles

My Brilliant Idea

Lets me back track fur just a moment so ya'll can gets da WHOOOOLE picture.

Fur awhile nows da Kerazy lady has been suffering withs alot of pain cuz her stuck a tennis ball in her elbow fur some stoopid reason.

But No, don't feel sorry fur hers cuz her done it to herself.

  Mum ain't no genious and so hers continued to weight lift and shrugged da pain off thinkin' it would just get betters....can we say addiction to da gym?
And I so won't EVEN mention dat hers goes to gym twice a day.
Wells anyways it just gots worser and worser
and then hers was stugglin' to hold her camera and coffee and turnin' door knobs and yada yada but da worstest was dat hers was making enorormous typos in my comments makin' me looks like a moron cuz hers couldn't move her fingers.

A foto dat has nuttin to do withs dis post.

So then hers had da most BRILLIANT idea to goes to a special tennis ball elbow doctor.
Howevers did her come up withs such a good idea?

Anudder foto of me to makes dis more interestin'.

Okays so her goes to da special man and comes home and says he a duck...or did her say quack?
(obviously he didn't tells her what hers wanted to hears)
I not remembers cuz I was watchin' da Stoopid's which was way more interesting than mum's elbow.

At da office they gaves her a STARE-ROID shot in da elbow...and they said hers elbow was gritty.
Nasty...gross...ick...make me throws up.
And then they gaves her 2 very NOT fashinably forward braces to wears.

Foto courtesy of My Girl

Oh and yea, her gots home and was in tears from da pain.
Her said it was excruciating and her has a purty high pain tolerance.
Her had surgery in da summer and was back in da gym in 2 days(stoopid).
but mum has nevers been spayed so her knows nuttin.

But on to more important thingies....
don't ya'll thinks dat brace would lookes betters bedazzled?
You knows withs some bling bling likes dis?

Nows don't dat looks betters?

**********************

Run Free Sweet Ginger!
We love you.

A Groundhog Story

Okays so dis wasn't what I was gonna post bout today but I just hads to tells ya'll what happened.

And I not has no real fotos but I has re-enactments furs your viewin' pleasures.
Wells I mean some are real fotos obviously...but they is old.

Sees, yesterday I was outside in my yard soakin' up some sun rays and breathin' in some good fresh 

airs and alls of a sudden out of da corner of my eyeball I seened it....

A GROUNDHOG!

 So I hunkered down in my stalkin

 mode...

likes dis.

And then...and then...I tooks off likes a mini greyhound withs no sense.

I was goin' like 60 miles an hour...at least, if not faster.

And then da damn fence gots in my way.

 I wents KABAAAAAAM right smack into it!

(NOTE: Dis ain't a foto...I drew dis withs my crayuns)

Knocked me back up bout a mile up da road.

I swears I looked likes a drunkard in a bar room brawl...not purties ya'll!

I has concussion nows.

Moral of da Story:

Fences is dangerous to your health

Oh da kerazy was sittin' back laughin' and a cacklin' at da whole thing too.

HAPPY BIRFDAY MISS APRIL!

We loves you and we is sending our bestest vibes out to you
so dat you will gets all betters!

Airin' Dirty Laundry

Okays so ya'll knows how my mum's luck sucks right?
Wells dat just might be a mild understatement.

I just has to tells ya'll bouts da washing machine...hehehehe.

ME...stayin' very fars away from da kerazy lady so I don't catchhers bad luck.

Wells ya'll knows our washin' machine went kerplunk on Easter day.

Da Washing Machine Fixer Man camed to fix it. 

Him was skeered to come in withs me and da blobs.

I telled him I has only bit 4 or 7 hoomans in my life.

Okays so I has nevers really bit nobuddy but him not has to do knows dat...sometimes you just has to put da fear in Washing Machine Fixer Man so you don't gets overcharged or has to sit theres and stares at their butt cracks while they fixin' stuffs.

Around my town you just nevers knows what or who will shows up to fix your appliances.

Luckily, I not has to sees his butt crack cuz he wores a belt and he not EVEN has snaggle teefers eithers.....YAAAAY!

Okays yea, I gots totally way of topis theres didn;t I?

Wells to makes a long story short...cuz I knows ya'll could cares less bouts our washin' machine...afters a week Washing Machine Fixer Man calls on Saturday mornin' and says  our washin' machine ain't worth bein' fixed cuz it had to many issues then what he thinked to begin withs.

Soooooo, we hads to buy a new washing machine...and dryer so they would match...WTF?

Mum be all likes...."Aren't they pretty?"

Woman...washing machines and dryers ain't purty.
And besides they is LIVES IN my bedroom!

Come on and I'll shows you our new washin' machine...likes ya'll really cares but I show anyways.

 Dis be my enthused face.
Wait hang on, I not likes dat foto of me.


I likes dis betters.

(note to self: you so dam purties it's should be against da law)
Dats much betters.

I go gets a step stool...wait right theres again.

Okays...dis be da new washin' machine.

 Yea just luverly huh?
Juuuust fantastical. Still not impressed.

Heres it be inside.

 It has a clear top and mum thinks dat just be da coolest thing evers.
Then hers picked me up so I could sees it too...wasn't thrilled.
Actually it kinda freaked me out.

But just looooks at dis!

OMD is my mum gonna puts me on restrictions furs dis.
 Dat be da hoomans dirty laundry.

We not has da matchin' dryer yet cuz it hads to be ordered since we has gas and they not has one dat be on gas in da store so we has to wait.
What a pity.

.

I am so goin' backs to sleep cuz dat be da dumbest post in da history of da Puddles blog.
I am bloggin' bouts WASHIN' MACHINES...oooooh somebuddy helps me.

Hows to Burrow by Puddles

I likes to burrow.
Da Blobs don't burrow cuz they is weird.
Does ya'll burrow?
Has you evers wanted to do it and just didn't knows how?
Wells I is heres to help furiends.

Today I will demonstrate hows to burrow.

It is most important to do it properly using my precise tekneeks.

Fur todays demosnstration I chose a snowman blankie cuz I knows how much
Frankie just LOVES snowpeoples...hehehehe.
(yes, yes I cracks myself up)

But ya'll can choose whatevers blankie you want

Okays is ya'll readies to learn?
Heres we go.

(interesting how a $3000 camera can still manage to gets me out of focus, I suppose foto lady shouldn't be sittin' on da floor though)

Furst....

 Gets da blankie on your head...and then you shimmy shimmy shimmy down.
Dependin' on how long you is will determine how many shimmies you has to do.
It takes me bouts 3 shimmies.

Once in da blankie...you turn about.

 Like dis.

Once in dis position, turn at least 15 times to gets situated.

 Aaaaand voila...you all done!

 Nows, aaaaaall nice and burrowed and toasty warm. 

Dat was easy peasy wasn't it?

Who cares if it's 75 degrees.

Disclaimer: not responsible or liable in any way for accidents, getting lost or tangled in blankie, or falling off couch from my demostration.

Note: yes my couch has mysteriously turned plaid. Some days it's white.

WTF: #3

 ME...upon mum and da Girl's return from school.

(sorry, I laughs alot)

"Bwhahahahahahahaha...OMD, kerazy lady...you didn't????

WTF was you thinkin"

Okays, I has to go make a fone calls now.

(RING A DING DING
RING A DING DING
RING A DING DING)

Man: Hello and thank you for calling Crazy Humans of the Carolinas, how may I help you?

Puddles: Hellos, yes...my name is Puddles Duddles Rainwater, you may has heard of me...I has a blog and I is soon-to-be-famous

Man: Oh yes, I have heard of you... you were the dog on the news for chasing down the Easter Bunny?

Puddles: Mister, dat was my twin and you is getting off topic heres. I would likes to reserve a nice padded room furs my mum.

Man: What has she done this time?

Puddles: Wells you sees Mr. Man, hers took My Girl to school on Monday.

Man: Why is that a problem Miss Rainwater?

Puddles: Wells you moron, her not have school on Monday...but NOOOOO da kerazy lady gots da Girl up at 6:30 in da mornin...fed hers, dressed hers, wrote a check fur da weekly lunch, put hers in da car, DROVE hers to da school house and they NOT have school dat day.

Man: I see now.

Puddles: Wells good, nows can you helps hers?

(click)

Puddles: Hellos...hellos...is you still theres Mister?...hellos?

Big Guy in da sky, is you theres?

And you tellin' me mum was a chemistry major a million years ago...HA!