And Ya'll Thought I was a Doxie

Almost three years ago I was borneded and then cames to lives withs

these weirdos my family.

(NOTE: Almost as in my birfday is in July and I likes beer,cheetos, squirrels, and tazers...write dat in your agendas or on your calendars.)

You see, I came from a man dat was believed to haves raised DACHSHUNDS so naturally mum being da genious her is, THOUGHT hers was gettin' a doxie.

So, I was raised as doxie...duh!

but dis ain't da case...

da breeder actually breeds deformed Greyhounds!

and I is PROOF of it.

See, my legs is short deformed.

(sorry fur da old foto but da foto lady has been absurdly lazy)

I is still havin' Blogger issues commenting on Madi, Corbin, Sarge, Downunder Daisy, Jazzie, Ronii's, Bad Blair, Tessa, etc. blogs...but I has read them:) There seems to be a popcicle stick stucks in in Blogger...thank your fur da heads up Shawnee.

Peace Out,

Puddles...buyin' a Martingale collar

I can't Comment

Yes, I realized I did another post today but just wanted to say dat I can't comment on posts dat has da embeded comment box dat asks furs your profile. It won't accept my info and then boots me out!

I can get in my Blogger account and my email account but CAN'T post a comment...dat is just crazy!

Madi, Zona, Sammy and Andy, and Corbin...I knows ya'lls is set up dat way so I apologize fur all dis...I read but dats all I could do.

Sooooo, don't worries bouts leaving comments on my last post or dis post since I can't leave one on yours.

Peace Out,

Puddles

Da Stoopids Strike Again

We interrupt dis post to bring you, fans of da Puddles, MORE breaking news in da land of da Stoopids.

Alls I can say is WTF and is it REALLY possible fur peoples to be DIS stoopid?

Also, I did hem haw abouts whether or nots to post dis but I goin' to anyways even though it is a little negative and I don't likes to be negative...I likes happy, fun posts but Oh well!

Dis is da NOT happy Puddles expression

Allows me to introduce da Stoopids Kitteh!

Kitteh is in MY driveway!

KITTEH IS IN HEAT!

Does I needs to be repeat dat?

I said, da kitteh is in heat.

Nows, I don't knows much bouts kittehs but I does knows when one is in heat...

they scream like banshees straight out of a movie...and they roll ALL around My driveway.

A few hours afters these fotos was takin' and da kitteh was yellin' and screamin'...hers attracted 2 boy kittehs to my yard...and da rest is history.

Nows, do ya'll has any idea how long it takes mum to calm down 3 dogs dat is highly miffed dat there is another animal on our property? 

FUREVERS!!!!!!!!

But dat ain't da point.

Da point is...we don't want no unspayed animals of any kind serenading suitors in da yard.

And it is against city ordinance to haves a roaming female of any kind in heat.

Nows, ya'll is wondering what in da world is we gonna do...

Uh, can't tells ya...bwhahahahaha. I is sooooooo bad!

Nay, I tells laters.

I will say, there will be no more conversations takin' place withs da Stoopids.

(unless mum looses her cool furst)

Wanna knows why?

*

Da kids threw trash in our backyard!

They threw a full bag of Cheez Its

AND

3 popcicle sticks!

One popcicle stick fur each of us to choke on!

Mum went and told da lady that they is gonna haves a REAL BIG problem if we (dat would be me, Albert, and Whitney) gets injured from stuffs they throw in da yard.

So yea, neighbor lady don't speak to mum nows, thank gawd.

Nows, I realize they is just kids but they has been told on other times about throwing stuffs in our yard like brooms, buckets, bricks, etc. and besides, kids at dat age need supervision...ya think?

Nows, also wanna say dat da kitteh is always in our yard.

On Friday mum gots in da car to go gets MY girl from school and her had da car in reverse and da naighbor man was waving his arms all around, up and down and sideways and all dat...kitteh was unders mum's car. Dat was a very close call.

Maybes I should apologize furs da rant...

SORRY!

Sometimes I just has to get things offs my chest...you nows my chest dat has da white flame dat keeps me outta da show ring?

Okays, ummmm...just trying to find some humor today.

Tomorrow I'll resume my normal FUN posting.

Peace Out,

Puddles 

PS: BWHAHAHAHAHA...crackin' myself up overs here withs da song choice!

Mum Went To da Grocery Store?

I is tryin' to figures out what is more shocking....

da fact Mum went to da grocery store or dat hers furgot my beer.

(NOTE:Mum don't go to da grocery store if ya'll was wonderin'...in MY house, it's dad's job)

Peace Out,

Puddles

Here Birdie, birdie

(Sorry but I has no REAL fotos but I has some fur demonstrational purposes)

I is a girl and girls is allowed to change their minds....

and I has changed mine.

I previously stated dat I don't hunt birds meaning I don't chase 'em and then whatevers happens afters dat.

I retract dat statement!

I knows you asking "Why on earth would you want to chase a harmless bird sweet, dear, gorgeous Puddles?"

Well it all beganed when I was outside minding my own business...no, REALLY I was!

Seeeee, mindin' my own business.

Then a bird...a gigantic bird...

just likes dis one....buuuuut, flyin' in da air....

dookied on me!

And I was screaming and carryin' on...

" Somebuuuuuuuuuddy heeeeeeeeelps Meeeeeeee!!!!!!"

(notice Brudder Albert ain't payin' me a bit of attention)

"Geeeets off of me doodie!!!!!!!! I don't wanna stinkin' baff!!!!!!!"

It was grody lemme just tells ya'll dat.

I just couldn't dares tell mum cuz I knew hers would slap me in dat bafftub so fast I wouldn't be ables to see straight...fur weeks.

But hers seened da dookie on me...cuz it was white and I is brown and it was obvious.

But since I has an ear infection from having to listen to hers all da time, I didn't has to get in da bafftub...I hads to get in da SINK...withs da sprayer...UGHHHHHH!

Then I hads no more poop on me.
So now I is all good and clean just likes da freak mum likes it.
But, between us...I really don't see da big deal in havin' stinky stuffs on me.

Peace Out,
Puddles...off huntin' birdies

Look At Me

Lemme just tells ya'll how bored I was during da Blogger sickies!

 So I was subjected to da worse thing possibles....

I HADS TO ENTERTAIN MYSELF!!!!!

But I did discover sumptin' cool.

Look what I can do.....

 I can make myself have TWO chins!

OMD, ain't dat da most amazin' thing you ever did see?

Bwhahahahaha....sometimes I think I is too funny fur my own good.

And da hoomans get all bent outta shape bout double chins...pffffft!

I thinks it's quite charming.

My talents are limitless what can I say?

Peace Out,

Puddles

I killed a SQUIRREL!

(Not fur Remington's eyes)

I killed me a SQUIRREL yesterday!

BOOOOOYAH!

I did, I really did!
( I thought it would make an awesome Momma's Day present to be honest)

Let me tells ya'll all bouts it cuz I am once again super excited cuz I nevers thought it would be done!

Mum was right behind when we was goin' outside and I took off like a streak of lightin' and then....

BAM, I gots me a squirrel and mum didn't EVEN see it happen until My Girl started yellin'.

Hehehehehehe...silly mum.
By da way, I killed it instantly so he felt no pain, or at least I don't think so.

So mum came to see what I had and her and da girl thought I had a bird...sorry, but da Puddles don't do birds.

Mum realized it was a squirrel and she was all like " Aaaaaaaaack....HOLY COW, I can't believe you actually caught a squirrel"...then her started yellin' fur my dad cuz he was home.

Dad comes out and brudder and sissy came out too so then mum had to keeps them away and theres I sat withs my trophy sayin' NEENER, NEENER, NEENER(they were SOOOOOO jealous!)

Da worstest part was dat Dad wouldn't let me gets no pictures of my furst squirrel!

"Just one little foto dad?!?!"

He was NOT happy withs me but, I tries to tell him dat it's what I was genetically programmed to do.

Sorry, but my breed hasn't evolved dat much.

I'm starting to think mum is way cooler than my dad nows.

Dang, I am still in complete shock dat I has gotten me a chipmunk AND nows a SQUIRREL in one week.

I'm on a roll!

Course, I is prolly banned from da yard now without supervision cuz mum is kinda concerned bouts da ground hogs.



RIP Mr. Squirrel

Peace Out,

Puddles

One more thing, ya'll can blame dis all on Miss Shelby, her started it all...bwhahahaha!

For Sale

(if anybuddy doesn't have da badge please feel free to take it)

PIp's house has been on da market fur awhile and so we all thought we'd try and help him and family sell it. Ya'll knows how we likes to help when we can.

I brung out da map of Blogville so ya'll can see dat Pip's house is in a prime location.

It is in walking distance to da bar.

 I has my Kool-aid stand up and running fur fur da open house.

I has a variety of flavors ya knows.

I'm gonna takes ya'll on a tour of Pip's house...just don't gets it confused withs MY house cuz my house ain't up fur sale.

Puddles Mansion

Okays, now fur da grand tour....

Dis here is da fo-YAY of Pip's house.

Very fun to run and slide on da marble floors and I won't mention sliding down da bannister.

(Big sq ft)

Da living room where Pip watches Oprah.

(Large sq ft)

Da kitchen with all brand new appliances and a well stocked Fridgidaire...very important

brand new stove has been added ...it cooks a real good squirrel stew.

(Gigantic sq ft)

Da most important room in da house is da bar and gameroom...comes completely stocked withs beer, tacos, cheeto's, and chipmunk sheeshkabobs.

It is stocked nows but I can't promise it'll be theres once sold.

(I has dat highlited in da contract)

It also has a brand new chandeleir cuz sumptin' happened to da other one but I can't  recall

exactly WHAT happened.

(Ginormous sq ft)

It also has an indoor pool area fur those kerazies dat likes to swim...and a tiki bar (my favorite)

Purty umbrellas fur da drinks is included.

(Perfect sq ft)

Palm trees are fake so you won't even need to water them.

If purchased in da next 24 hours I will personally throw in my neighbor's totally free!

and 8 Shamwow towels.

But you must act now.

Our operators are standing by.

(contract subject to change without warning)

Peace Out,

Puddles...realtor

Wednesday

I has nuttin important to say today but, you can watch me play soccer.

Okays now you just HAS to looks at my skin on dis foto....

Bwhahahahahahaha....

Oh me,  I cracks myself up sometimes.

Really, I do.

Peace Out,

Puddles

I Finally Did IT!!!!!

I am heres to report to my loyal fans dat there is one less chipmunk in da world today.

Yes, I killed my very furst chipmunk yesterday.
(hold your applause to da end please and thank you)

VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED

 

Lemme tells ya'll all abouts it cuz I is all excited.

You see, I was outside and mum was inside but hers was spyin' on me through da window and hers saw me break a right and then break a left and then BAAAAAAM...her saw me doin' da kill shake withs my head.
I hads Alvin's cuzzin in my mouf...shakin' him all about (dat kinda rhymes).
Yes furiends, I may be long but I can still turn on a dime.

Then mum comes bustin' outta da house with her arms all flyin around...

(no hers didn't hurt herself in dis episode)
I looked at hers and decided it would be in best interest to drop my victim.

Then her starts yellin' "GO PUDDLES...GO PUDDLES...GO PUDDLES!!!!!!!!"

Now mum will prolly tells ya'll her was saying NO PUDDLES instead of GO PUDDLES but who are ya'll gonna believes? Me or her????

So her comes running down to see what I had gotten and

he wasn't likes totally dead so guess what my mum did?

Her GAVES me permission to snag it again so I could kills it and put it out of it's misery.

How you likes them apples? Purty cool huh?

Anyways, I killed him (while mum looked away and regurgitated).

I did not eat him though...he was too dang salty fur my taste so I left him and let mum deal with his funeral.

Then I ran off and rubbed it in Brudder's face dat I did what he has always wanted to accomplish.

See, leave da tuff stuff to da girls...we always get it done quicker and more effeciently.

Kerazy Foto Lady AKA mum just hads to go and blur his face.

Her kept goin on and on about havin' respect furs da deceased....pftttttt!

Proud Doxie
Dats blood.

Yea,  I had to haves a baff but it was well worth it.

Oh and by da way, mum will also attempt to convince ya'll dat her was not happy withs me but I knows betters...her was SOOOOOO proud of me dat her was doin da Happy Dance in my honour.

Don't let her convince you her was stomping her feet.

Oh well who cares?

I IS PROUD OF MY SELF!

I is looking furs a Chipmunk recipe nows.

I'm thinking sheeshkabobs on da grill.

NOTE FROM MUM:
It is true, Puddles finally killed her first chipmunk and now her head is swollen even more than usual.
Puddles would also like you to believe she doesn't know commands but that isn't tha case. She knows "Drop It" rather well. In this case, all she had to do was "Drop It" just by looking at me.
I am not crazy that she killed the chipmunk but being a dog and a doxie for that matter, I know it is in her makeup and breed. There is a part of me that is proud of her.
This dog is incredibly fast and it blows my mind to watch how quick she is.
Also, I felt like I had no choice but to let Puddles kill the chipmunk after the first go to end it's pain. I couldn't dare let the chipmunk suffer so that is why I let her have it again. It may have been wrong but it was a quick judgment call.

Peace Out,
Puddles...and mum

PS: Broward County is gonna be really disappointed they didn't hire me.