Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Only In Da South

Befores I begins lemme just say heres in da south, it's da only place wheres hot tea is a sin, we eat grits and cook stuffs in fatback...and most importantly we has our very own language.

Okays nows I begins.

Sometimes I go to da school house withs mum to picks My Girl up from school.
Don't worries, Kerazy lady not lets me drive fur some reason..bummer.

Wells I went da udder day and I was sittin' theres in da mum's lap while we was waitin' and waitin' and why hers has to go so early is beyond me.
Me waitin'

Lookin' at da man.

Anyways, a nice man with an array of multi colored teefs (mostly yellow and black) in da car overs from us seened me and heres hows da conversation went.
Fears not, I added my own commentary...hehehehe.

NOTE: man's speech dialogue is written just hows he spoked it...
...and dis can only be heard in da south...just happens to be da same way I talk too but I is a dog and he be a hooman i think.

Dum man: "Wets he go by?" (for those of you not from these parts dat is translated to "What is his name)
(HE, dude seriously did you not notice da pink and purple fake Martingale collar, I be a freakin' girl)

  Mum: She's a girl and her name is Puddles
Did he just calls me a HE?

Meanwhile Albert was in da back of da car secretly laughin'
Hehehe, he thinks your a boy

Dum man: (cackling) well thet's a funny name. Des she puddle?
(like I has nevers heard dat one befores)

Mum: No, she doesn't. She's actually pretty well trained.
(liein' throughs her teefers)

Dum man: Idnat airs one 'em Chi Wa Was?
Oh brudder...dis guy is a moron.

Mum: (bein' a smart ass) Actually she is a Greyhound.

Dum man: hehehe...ahhhhhh, c'mon nows.

Mum: She's a dachshund.

Dum man: Oh thet's eh wiener dawg.
(gee, your regular 'ol Sherlock Holmes theres)

Mum:(hesitating) Uh, yea she is.

Hmmmm...I be thinkin'I needs to try my paw at home schoolin' My Girl.

 Sorry, SOMEBUDDY was tryin' to be creatives.

In da south, we may be perceived as an odd class of Americans but I wouldn't has it any udder ways...except fur da Stoopid's to move to da North.

Puddles...googlin' home schoolin'


My Mind's Eye said...

OMD Puddles you gone and done it again Mom has black streaks running down her face.
Let's get this out of the way:
1. Your mum goes early so that she is there and waiting for your girl so your girl doesn't have to wait for you. GOOD for your MUM

2. My mom didn't even need to read the translations of the man with yellow and black teeth..actually we're surprise he had teeth.

3. Finally you are a Greyhound just like Declan. That was just about too funny well that an what's his name. Some folks engage their mouth before they engage their his case I think he must have lost his brain.

4. Yep welcome to the South you just never know who is sitting beside you.

Great big hug and thank you for the morning LOL/MOL I'm going to have to be sure to show this to my Dad.
Madi your BFFF and her streak faced Mom

Unknown said...

You are so right about the way peeps talk in the south! I can't evn understand most of them! Sounds like they got a wad of gum in their mouths.
Lovies, Miss Mindy

The Daily Pip said...

Bawahahahhaahahaaa! Chi Wa Wa bawahahahahahahahha!

Ok, I be back later. I need to collect myself.


The Daily Pip said...

OK, I have collected myself and am now ready for serious discussion.

First of all, thank you so much for this informative post. I learn so much from your posts! I have never been to the south (except for those beer-induced magic pillow rides to your house, but I guess those don't count). So, your posts always open up whole new worlds to me ...bawhahahaha!

P.S: Don't send them up here. We've got our own crazies to deal with.

Your much more well-informed pal, Pip

Kaunis Nelli said...

I have only been in New York and Boston so I haven't got a clue what you say about southeners talking. I believe you though.

But Chi Wa Wa... OMG!

Unknown said...

I agree since I LIVE IN THE SOUTH that hot tea is a sin but COLD COFFEE rocks, how can that be a sin!!

Umm where was whitney and why didnt she come?!!!! I cant stop laughing at Albert just hanging out laughing in the backseat.

a greyhound, BOL

Frankie Furter and Ernie said...

He thought you were a BOY and not just ANY boy.. a Chee Wah Wha BOY!!!
I am rollin on the floor over THOSE thingys.
Why didn't she say... NO HE is a GROUND HOG?
I think Mr. PERFECT was not just laffin... butt he was doing his EVIL Laff. I didn't think Albert did stuffs like THAT.
PeeS... I told Pip that I agree with you... he NEEDS a Puddles Pro 1000.

Lovable Lily said...

That has got to be one of the funniest conversations I've heard in a loooooooong dog time.

Lily Belle

houndstooth said...

Hee hee hee! I thought it was bad when people asked if I was a Great Dane! You should have gotten out of the car and showed him how fast we Greyhounds really are!


The Race Against Time said...

A minute greyhound perhaps..hahaha aha

Chi wawaaaassss? mebbe this man is just checking your momma outs n making...trying to make smart conversations...Hahahaha...

Love love lovvvveeee her creative shot!

GOOSE said...

Bawhahhaha. Not sure how the really smart man thought you were a boy, was the sun in his eyes? I think you should have gotten out of the car and puddled on his car. Just sayin'. Now that I read this one more time and think about it, I think the dentally challenged man was trin' to pick up your mom with his smooth talk and all.

ShellePenn said...

I could read that without the translation. :)

I homeschool my (not so) little boy. But not for the men with multi-colored teefers, but because otherwise he would be going to HS in the hood. We moved to a lovely plot of land, surrounded by horse farms, and he would be bused to the inner city where there are multiple police officers stationed in the school because of the violence problem.

If you ask Reed he is pleased cause he gets up at 10, starts school and works in his jammies until noon. He all A's and 1 B (in Algebra I which makes his cum laude graduating Math and Computer Science mom wonder if he wasn't dropped as a baby too many times.)

Shelle, Milo and Dixie

PS Payphone is #1 on the iTunes singles chart... noticed that today when I was going to purchase the new Sookie Stackhouse Book "Deadlocked". :)

Peggy Frezon said...

LOL LOL! Your mom handled that very well! p.s. Please don't send any more stoopids up here. thank you!

jen said...

Ha-ha! That is awesome! I'm glad your mom was using her voices in her head!

Tell your Mom we don't need anymore crazies in the North, there are plenty of them!

rottrover said...

A chi-wa-waw?!? Your mom shoulda said, "well no, that dog don't hunt!"

A weiner-dog!!! BOLBOLBOL!!

-Bart and Ruby

The Heartbeats said...

I thank that there man done hollered at Mamma while she was a running up that there road in her shawts...

Bahahhahahaha! Chi-wa-wa!


The Websters said...

We ARE taking suggestions for names. Master suggested all kinds of crazy Russian ones. Taysia Blue will never ask him for suggestions again!

Ok, we hope the stoopids move north too. But to the NORTH EAST!

Also, you are OBVIOUSLY a girl.


Bassetmomma said...

Oh the ignorance you have to put up with, Puddles! I don't know how you do it! We get people calling Fred and Gloria wiener dogs all the time! Whatever! LOL! I had to laugh at what Gloria Hood said about the wad of gum! BOL!

Backcountry Brodie said...

Puddles, there be a reason the Stoopids is not in the north - we dussn't want them coz we has enuff of our own! But I is thinking that the Stoopids and the Dum Man mite be fixin' to hitch up. (Now that's me speaking southern, BOL.)

Gia and Jessica said...

Oh no don't send them North, what about we elect an island to ban them to? One where they can swim to mainland to escape. That sounds like a great idea. Hmm... it's gotta be a big island though....

Anonymous said...

I think this qualifies as WTF Wednesday lol

Brian said...

A boy!?!? Bet you twas fixin ta put da bitey on him!

The Websters said...

Boris was on the list. Isaac is the name of one of our pastors at church...haroo. that would be very funny!

You are good at names. You should be on the naming team at Taysia Blue...then we wouldn't get stoopid names like McJagger.


Angels Amber and Max DaWeenie and Mom said...

BOL BOL....Is you fur sure dat dis wasn't one of da Stoopids or a close relative??? BOL

Matilda the Boxer said...

I think you look just like a greyhound, Puddles! A kind of short greyhound, but you've got it where it counts. :D

My Dog Sam - Ruptured Disk said...

Ha, ha, ha Puddles. Your mom is a gracious person I can tell. Lowering her window to speak with a man with black and yellow teeth is the first sign. The second is answering his questions without rolling her eyes or laughing. We honestly like Americans but for the "duh" ones, there's a border. Can we send you some of our "duh's"?

Kari in Alaska said...

she doesn't let you drive? Thats just wrong

Stop on by for a visit

Remington said...

Oh this is good! Your mommy should have stuck with you being a greyhound....every one says to me -- are you a bear? Yes, that is what I am....really....

Angel Junior, Orion and Sammy said...

We love your Mom's comment "actually she's a greyhound". That made us LOL!

Sketching with Dogs said...

And we thought some of the hoomans where we live are stupid - no Mum, not you, go back to sleep, he he, stupid Mum.
We can see you are a girl even without the pink collar, sheesh!
Dip Bridge and Elliot x

Mary Lou said...

I am just discovering your blog!! I found this blog post hilarious!! ;-}
What is it with humans wrongly mistaking female dogs for boys? I used to get that a lot with my "blond"-furred German Shepherd/Golden Retriever cross.... And am still living it with Rose!! Sheesh!! ;op
I used to walk my former neighbor's three dachshunds!! Their names were Ivy, Allegra and Luna. Sweet girls.... You look just like Ivy!! ;)
Love, Raelyn.... And Rose, my BEAUTIFULLY UNIQUE "Mystery Dog"!!

Scooter said...

Hey Puddles!
Wow, that's BOL funny! Good thing you didn't bite the guy...his stoopids might be catchy. Love the greyhound answer!
Grr and Woof,
Sarge, COP

Marg said...

Oh My gosh, you are so funny. You had our Mom laughing out loud and that is not pretty. We live in the South too, so we know all about the intelligence of some of the southern peeps.You actually are kind of short for a greyhound and the nerve of calling you a weiner dog.
By the way Puddles, you are one gorgeous Dachshund. We will sure be back.

georgia little pea said...

Dear Executive Producer Puddles,

I hope you understand what I'm saying because you clearly speak a different language in da south. It took My Typist 10 minutes to read your post because she had to go back and read stuff again. (Also she's a bit hungover. Not to mention slow, like that human.) It's okay. She likes learning new languages.

That's it for now! Hooroo! (That's goodbye.)

P.S. what is fatback? Is it delicious? I am a connoisseur of fine food you know.
P.P.S. that pic of your head is cool.

Bella Roxy & Macdui said...


Our Aunty in Northern Virginia just went to a school football game and they served grits!!!!!!

They laughed when they visited here, because you can get wine at a football game--along with beer.

XXXOOO Daisy, Bella &Roxy

What Remains Now said...

I hate to say this, but I think you might have a stoopid magnet hidden somewhere on your body OR maybe it's on your mom. As a faithful reader, I LOVE it; but for your family's mental health, you might want to look for it and try to get it removed.

Anonymous said...

Well, you know that my mom is from Oak-luh-home-ah and so she kinda speaks that Southern language so I had to gets her to translate this postie for me. And then I was totally BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, humans...they are just the funniest, keraziest things EVER sometimes, aren't they? It's kinda good to know that there's some weirder peoples out there than our moms, huh?

Wiggles & Wags,

PeeS. That man wasn't Your Girl's teacher, was he?

A MilShelb Mom said...

Hahahahaha!!! Too funny. How sad is it that we didn't need the translations?! We hear that talk all the time, too. Haha!
~Milly and Shelby

Bobbie said...

Puddles! You crack me up!! We are (somewhat) in your neck of the woods as I type.. I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to meet up with your mum.. maybe another time. I have to tell you this... last time we were here we went to a 'flea type market' and I wanted to buy a baby doll for Rissi. The guy who owned the doll was everything you described in this post.. and when I asked if he'd take any less for the doll he said he couldn't cause he'd have to check with his wife first and he'd just taken her to the hospital that day, she had double KNEE monia. LOL> hey, remember when I first met you and I thought you were a boy?? oooppss...

♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥ said...

Lightning here, Puddles - you mean you really aren't a greyhound???? I am astonished.


The Momster is always thre hours early picking up the little bipeds at school too - what's up with that anyway?

Woos - Phantom, Thunder, Ciara, and Lightning

Marg said...

Oh Puddles, that is exciting that we live so close. I knew I recognized that way of talking. I just think you are all amazing and I love your blog. Thanks for letting us know where you live. Take care.

Lorenza said...

Sure that was an "interesting" conversation!
when I go out for my walkies.... I always wear a dress... and there is always someone asking.... a boy?? or what's his name??
Kisses and hugs

Berts Blog said...

Puddles, My Vickie says she probably met that man when she was out there a year ago. Sounds like the exact same guy who tried to pick her up at a gas station.

She was wonderin if you got his name and address.....)you know, her bein single and all)

Grady and Leonardo said...

We don't need any more stoopids here in the North so you can either keep them or send them WEST. WEST, not North.

Mom is waiting for her oldest to finally get to bed and she so badly needed a laugh. (it's been a trying teen-age girl night for her) Thanks for making her smile.

Keep up the awesome posts. It saves moms more than you know.

Newfie hugs and smoochies.
Leo and grady

Tweedles -- that's me said...

I am glad we don't run into him.
We cannot even stand those ones who stand outside grocery stores and need signatures

Two French Bulldogs said...

Keep waiting and pouting, BOL
Benny & Lily

Declan said...

I think we have more in common than we thought, Pudds mate. Not only are we both Greyhounds, people from the South are a little like people from yorkshire. hehe! Deccy x Ps. I've always wondered what grits are!

Molly the Airedale said...

You had mom practically fallin' out of her chair, Puddles. She could have crushed poor Molly sleepin' right there at her feets!
You are too funny, girlfren!

Love ya lots,

Posie said...



I carnutt shtopp laffin! heeheee!

Dat was justt too funny, gaaah, makkey it shtopp! I iz in pain! heehee!

He fot yoo waz a chiwawaha!?!?! And yooz brudder in da backk laffin!

Oh ma daysz, it was just too funny! heeheeheee!

Fanks fur shayrin! Mayde ma day! heehee!

Love, P-dorgi xox

The Websters said...

We think you'll like our foster dog's name.


Pippen said...

We've been thinking we should stop by for a visit but after reading this... we're kinda skeered. We'll stay up her in Canada with all the other intellectuals (that means smart people)!

Sam and Pippen

Anonymous said...

BOL OMD! Puddles I can't speak. Laughin way too hard BOL Whatever you do, please don't send yours to Florida. We have enough here of our own! ;)

Waggin at ya,

PeeS: Your Mom's really gettin the hang of her high falutin camera! or do your really look that good? ;)

KB said...

A chi wa wa!!! He he he he!!!!

I be laughing with Albert.

♥ Sallie said...

"Wets he go by?"

LOL! Poor, Puddles! Who could mistake you for a boy?!


JacksDad said...

I didn't understand a single word he said! :)

Sweet William The Scot said...

Puddles you did not tell me you was a boy chihuahua ~ when did you have the sex breed change. Gosh Puddles did you have counseling before you made the change? Guess that Mason Dixon Line is real.
Sweet William The Scot

Ziggy Stardust said...

Puddles you were actually very nice considering how humiliating that was. The nerve of him call you a boy and I bet he smelled bad. Just think of the poor kid he was picking up. If I ever get to visit you, will you give me a language lesson?? I hope he didn't get any cooties on you. I bet you were happy as pigs in mud to see your girl(giggles).

Loveys Sasha

Shane Kent Louis said...

Whoa, I've never been there. That's why I don't have the faintest idea, but because of your post, now I have.

Dog Fence

Oskar said...

We have our own stupids here in the north, we don't need an influx of any other!

Nubbin wiggles,