A Pressie from some SLY DOGS

Today I is gonna tells you bouts sumptin my mailman brung.

Well sees, he brung me a package last monday, 

da very day I hads my severe allergic reaction...remembers da one one wheres my life flashed befores me?

Yea, dat one.

Wells da kerazy lady wouldn't lets me open til da next day until da lighting was betters.

Seriously, are you effin' kiddin' me?

Well guess what? Da lighting still sucked da next day...bwhahahaha.

Anyways,movin' along....

 "MMMMMMMM...what does we has here?"

(dats Brudder Albert's big head if you was wonderin')

I wasn't really expectin' nuttin to be delivered to my house since I hads da credit card cut off...

you knows, da whole internet shoppin' can really get a girl in trubles.

 "Mum, put dis box on da table fur my glamour shot"

 " How does I look?"

So then afters an eternity I finally gotted to open my box and I just nearly died laughin'

"Bwhahahahahaha...Oh my dog, I can't BELIEVES dis"

See, awhile back Higgins had a contest to win a BIG whoppin' bag of these little bear treats

and I just loves them bear treats BUT, I not win.

No sirre bob I did not.

But Frankie and Ernie DID.

And guess what?

Yep, them little short legged, hairy dogs had them bears sent to ME!!!!!!!

They felted all kinds of sorries fur me withs my butt problems and then dog gone if I didn't

actually get them da day I hads my reaction.

Nows dats what I calls good timin'.

 "One fells out, I gets it"

Unfortunately da kerazy lady not gets a real pikture of my ginormous bag 

but you can sees it right above.

Can you sees it?

I even shared withs da blobs cuz mum made me I is so nice dat way.

 "Very delightful indeed"

Dat would be Albert in da above foto.

And heres Sissy, her takes her treats to anudder place to eats 'em.

And I tells you who they is cuz they looks alike....
even though mum says they don't...yea, says da lady dat put da wrong dog in da crate.

"What a tasty treat this is...please thank them for me."

So theres my preesie I gotted in da mail.

Thank you to Higgins, Frankie, and Ernie furs bein' such sly dogs and 

planning all dis to makes me feels all betters.

Ya'll is super duper furiends.

THANK YOU so much!
I was definitely surprised!

My BFF Mayzie is in Collie-rado wheres there be fires so puuuuulease send out some good vibes to her and everybuddy else theres.

***********************

Here is a list of da Olympic Event Dates in case ya'll needs.

JULY 27 Opening  CEREMONY AND PARADE OF ATHLETES  

JULY 28... WINDOW NOSE ART  AND  SWIMMING

JULY 29   CRAZY SLEEPING SINGLES   AND SYNCH. SLEEPERS AND BOUNCING... NARRATIVE REQ.

JULY 30  CROSS NEIGHBORHOOD WALKABOUT  AND CATCH ME IF YOU CAN   AND  BEACH BALL

JULY 31  GYMNASTICS  AND COUCH POTATO PEELING

AUG 1    TONGUE CURLING AND CRITTER STALKING AND DISCUS/FRISBEE

AUG 2  STICKS AND POLE JUMPING

AUG 3  MARATHON CHEWING AND DIGGING (MEEEEEE)

AUG 4 TUNEFUL FARTING  AND KEEP AWAY

AUG 5  EQUESTRIAN AND CAMERA AVOIDANCE TAI KWON DO

AUG 6  SYNC. PEEING AND   DE-STUFFING

AUG 7 FREE STYLE ZOOMIES   AND ROACHING & ROLLING

AUG 8 SQUIRREL HURDLES   AND DRAW YOUR PEEP(S) AND SNACK SACK RACE

AUG 9 BOXING   AND EXTREME WEATHER SPORTS

AUG 10 TURBO TRACK   AND SNOOPENDOUS SniffAthon

AUG 11 THE GREAT TENNISBALL TOURNAMENT    AND    BATHTUB WRESTLING

AUG 12  CLOSING CEREMONY

Official Olympic Digging Announcement

Hellos nice readers and future digging contestants.

(furgives me, I is tryin' to sound professional and it ain't workin')

As you all knows da furst evers Blogville Olympics is comin' soon to a blog near you.

Well, I be your official host furs da Digging Event...
(which will be held on August 3)

I not thinks dis gooberish hat was part of da deal Frankie

...and dat means I gets my very own microfone
 and I do believes I could sing ya'll a song too...OMD, wouldn't dat be fabulous?

Okays, anyways I loves to dig.
It takes skill, discipline and great nails to be a world class digger such as myself.
They do knows me in China...I has been theres on several occasions.

Nows I knows some of your peeps don't likes ya'll to dig...like my Dad.

He says," Puddles stop doing that!"

and I say, "NO!"

And then he says, " Did you hear what I said?"

And I say, "No!"

 Okays you gets my point.

But I really can't help he falls into my holes.

Dude should look where he goin'.

Just make sures you gets them to takes a foto befores you gets reprimanded...hehehe.

Nows lemme shows ya'll some examples of diggin' since I is a world famous digger and all.

 You can be diggin' in your bed.

You can be diggin' in your mater plants...but remember I not gives you dat idea.

You can dig in da yard.
(I was plantin' beer to sees if it would grow)

Ooooooor you can even be diggin' in a bag of Cheetos...I really don't care...but if you is doggin' in Cheetos then you must share.

Nows here are da RULES...
Bwhahahahahaha...rules is such a funny word.
Seriously, I is Puddles and me and rules should never be in da same sentence.
Howevers, I has to post dis one official rule....

1. fotos must be submitted July 9 until midnight July 18

Udders than dat just be creative and has a jolly ol' good time diggin'.
And if you has any questions pertaining to da Digging Event you can email me and I'll consult withs da Digging Committee to gets you an answer lickity split.

Nows I wanna sees all you doggies, kittehs, crabs, donkies and
whatevers diggin' to your hearts content.

For a complete list of events click here

Puddles D. Rainwater....Official Digging Host
my email....allison(dot)b(dot)schubert(at)gmail(dot)com

PS: In da future please ignore all my typos...some have turned out to be x-rated...total accident.
Sorry bout dat Dip Dip, Bridge, and Elliot...hehehehe!

Random Crap #2

Happy Friday ya'll!

Welcome to anudder edition of Random Crap.

Dis is wheres I tells ya'll a bunch a random stuffs dat happened dis week.

And I like totally made dis series up last week cuz of time constaints....

and well time constraints happened again dis week.

*
So it has been a purty interestin' week heres at my casa

withs my anaconda reaction and all.

Well furiends it gotted much much worse as da week went on.

Da kerazy lady decided to clean up a little around da house.

She put stuffs in plastic bags.

She suffocated all my stuffies.

They is all dead nows.

Does ya'll thinks there is a special place fur hoomans dat suffocates stuffies?

*
Ummmm let's me sees what else happened.
Ooooh yes....

Sissy locked me out and wouldn't let me back in.

*

I got inspected fur bites EVERY SINGLE time I comed in da house!
Dat was no fun.

*
Then....

I found me a STIIIIICK!!!!!
But mum said I'd prolly poke my eye out and to leave it be.
Yea, dat would soooooo happen to me.
(You can has it Goose...you can use it as a toothpick I reckon)

*

Then I slepted withs My Girl.
I may has been in a Benadryl induced coma but Oh well.

*

And I gots me anudder package in da mail...I tells bouts dat next week.

*
And most importantly....

I tried to hide from da kerazy lady.

Okays well dat was my week in review.

Nows stay tuned next week furs my OFFICIAL Olympic announcemet.
I is doin' da diggin cuz I likes to dig.
Does ya'll likes to dig?
I loves to dig...okays I already tolded you dat.
Puddles
 

Dis And Sumptin from Leo and Grady

Greetings everybuddy!

I wanted to takes just a moment of your life

and thanks everybuddy furs da comments and emails and stuffs

furs when I hads my allergy reaction thingamajig.

It was SKEEREY and mum still feels all guilty furs not thinkin' it was 

gonna be as serious as it gotted.

And I wants to apologize furs missin' some of your posts but I tolded 

da kerazy lady to bring me da puter and hers told me no dat I would prolly

electrocute myself and then I tolded hers I would go get it myself but...

I couldn't see straight withs da Benadryl in me.

Kerazy lady tried to gets a picture of my ear 

Nows dis was taken bouts 10 hours later...can you sees wheres it be swollen?

Hers be anudder one from a different angle

Look right theres at da bottom.

See??????

So nows I be back to my normal self...well, as normal as I is gonna be anyways.

*

*

Nows what I wanted to shows ya'll on monday befores I almost died was

my package I gotted in da mail from....

Leo and Grady!!!!!!

Leo is our one and only Remington's brudder.

Leo and Grady is really good furiends of mine and I metted then through Rem.

I meet some of da bestest furiends through him...like Sasha.

OMD...would ya'll LOOK at da paper!

It has MY name all overs it!

 "Nows, Girl, open it very gently so you not tears dat paper"

My Girl listened to me and hers not tear da paper.

I is a hoarder so I is gonna saves da wrappin' paper.

Feast your eyes on dis would ya!

*

*

*

*

*

*

OMD...da resemblance be quite remarkable wouldn't you say?

And hers what it looks like underneath...

 Hehehehe...hers is a funny one coverin' up her bits.

Then I gotted dis most special card too.

Awwwwwe....ain't dat just da sweetest?

I will nevers admit dat it brought a tear to my eyeballs.

Leo, Grady, and mom...

Thank You so very much furs thinkin' of me!

You could nevers know how much I appreciate your thoughtfullness and kindness.

Thanks furs bein; my furiend.

Oh and da little doxie now resides heres...

...in My Girl's room.

My Girl doxienapped it.

Okays nows dats a wrap and I'll be back on Friday.

Puddles...in da Girl's room talkin' to my new furiend

UPDATE

Hey ya'll!

I is backs from da VET and I feels very very very s l e e p y.

We walked in and da receptionist looked at me and just starred then her finally said "Oh my god,

what did Puddles get into?"

Ahhhhh, they knows me so wells.

Anyways, da vet man has seen lots in his lifetime of been a vetatrician and he looks at me and says...

"WOW!"

He was stunned to say da least.
Shocked, I tells you he was...just plumb shocked!

I telled him I was bitted by an anaconda and he says it be more likes a bug of some sort.

Mum freaks..."Oh my god, we have bugs!!!!!!!"

Woman snap out of it...yes, we has bugs outside.

Nows, where was I?

Oh yes, my ears was so swollen, likes double in da size they is suppose to be.

Vet says they swollen withs fluid and furs me not to be flip floppin' all 'round cuz I could burst a vessel in 'em and dat would suck.

Mum has threatened to duck tape 'em down.

Her so Kerazy....we is out of duck tape.

He gaves me a shot in da butt...it HURTED!

But I be a tuff girl and I sucked it up.

My kerazy lady REALLY feels terribles bouts not takin' it all serious enuffs but her says

her has learned not to gets her fruit of da looms in a wad no mores withs me.

What does you thinks hers meant by dat?

Okays, I go takes me nap nows cuz I is sleepy 

So thanks to all ya'll furs thinkin' bouts me.

I promise I will makes a full recovery but I will prolly needs therapy furs how 

I was unjustly treated my mum.

P

Just Anudder Day

Good day furiends and stalkers of da Puddles blog.

It is just anudder day heres in my world.

No seriously just ANUDDER day.

Lemme tells ya'll what happened to me yesterday.

Dis is an alligator NOT an anoconda. Dis is just a visual aid.

I got bitted by an anoconda...yep, surely did.

Kerazy lady says I be exaggerating but hers didn't sees it 

so her don't knows squat.

See I has a foto.

Ya;ll sees me eye?

Yep, told ya'll it was an anoconda bite.

Last time I gots bitted by a taratntula and I survived dat.

Then dis morning I was in my crate jail cell and Daddy Dorkbucks heard me carryin' on and he waited till da Kerazy lady gotted up to tells her I was all flappin' around.

What did hers do?

Her made her coffee and drank it befores her even checked on me!!!!!!!

Oooooooooh furs da love of Pete can ya'll believes it?

Wells, her gotted me out of my crate and my ears, neck, and whole body had hives.

I not has a foto cuz it was like 4am.

(who da hell gets up at dat hour anyways?)

Heres at my house we has 4 basic food groups....

beer

cheetos

kibble

Benadryl.

Yep, hers squirted Benadryl down my mouf and I gagged.

It was bubble gum flavor...like dats gonna makes it any betters.

I think I will live though.

Mum says not to feel sorry furs me cuz it's just anudder day withs me.

Her has learned not to freak when anything happens to me cuz sumptin' always does.

UPDATE: Puddles is worse and the Benadryl has done nothing.
Her ears are so swollen and blood red, the hives have covered her neck and chest so we will
be going to the vet for a shot...then we will come home remortgage the house.

Puddles
PS: I has so much catchin' up to do on da blogs and so much to tells ya'll.
I gotted stuffs in da mail and I can't wait to tells ya'll bouts it.

A Bunch of Random Crap

Happy Whisker Hump Day....hehehehe!

Dang, I has ALWAYS wanted to do dis Whisker Hump Day dat all da kittehs does...

and I finally gets to do it.

I has whisker humps!

SEEEEEEEEEE!

I is not a kitteh though...or I don't think so.

Cute nose I has theres huh?

Next up in Random Crap...

dis mornin' I farted and it skeered da dickens out of me

and I ranned all overs da house tryin' to gets away from it.

I really did.

And my Kerazy lady laughed at me...WTF is up withs dat?

Ummmm...Monday I hads to go to da vetatrician cuz da kerazy lady 

thoughted my butt glands me messed up again cuz of how I was actin' and carryin' on and doin' da "Butt Scootin' Boogie" again.

Well, it wasn't da butt glands...it was my allergies...duh.

Here I Is scratchin'...and I has more chins than da kerazy lady.

They gaved me a shot in between my shoulder blades and it went aaaaaall da way through my chest cuz it was so big.

Yep, dat really happened too.

 And then he told mum (AKA as Kerazy lady) to get me off da food I was on.

Finally on dis Random Crap day...

Remember da Blogville Olympics be comin' up so I REALLY hopes everybuddy

will participate whethers you be a kitteh, crab, birdie, horsie, donkey, or hamster.

A good time you will have I promise.

Frankie and Ernie has worked most diligently on dis and they has all da details you'll needs to knows.

(and da word diligently makes me sound all kinds of smarter)
Go here furs your informationals.

Nows just so you all knows da opening day of da Olympics is...
Saturday July 28...
which also happens to be MY 4th BIRFDAY!!!!!
Just in case ya'll wanted to knows dat..ahem...ahem.

Okays I be done nows and I'll be back on Friday furs da latest breakin' news in my life.

Puddles

Workin' Hard fur da Girl

Happy Friday Ya'll

I hope today finds ya'll well

Hehehehehe...okays, I not knows WHERES or WHY I said dat.

It makes me sound waaaaaay to sophisticated and dat just ain't me.

Oh wells, lets get do post.

Okays so ya'll knows mum has been redoin' My Girl's room right?
Well her has if you not knows dat.
And I has been hard at work helpin' to make sures da kerazy lady don't screw it up.

See he I is workin' VERY hard

"Mum, you sures you knows what you is doin?"

"Oooooooh I can't look"

Dat was da color of her room and nows it be a bright green color and mum can;t stay in da room long or hers will go into covulsians and pass out cuz it ain't her Bore Me To Tears White.

So anyways, my whole point to to dis long drawn out post is what I made furs My Girl
aaaaaaaall by myself.
I is gonna hang it in a frame.

(It do be an old foto)

What does ya'll think?
Awwwwww...ya'll be cryin' huh?

I am very fond of da quote.
I thinks everybuddy should has one...I mean a foto of their tags withs dis particular quote...
...not me though
Or I guess you could has a foto of me and my tags dat'd be cool too.

******************************************

Our dear Nola losted her baby Charlotte so if you not knows her please drop by and wish her and her mom some condolences. Dis be very hard fur them

RIP baby girl Charlotte...until we meet again

And our dear beloved Cotton from Jan's Funny Farm

Puddles
until next time furiends...
Peace, Love, and sumtpin'

Anudder Post bouts My Purty Butt

Gooood Mornin' yall' or afternoon where evers ya'll lives.

Yesterday I went to da Vetatrician and since I has absolutely no cooth or dignity
what so evers I is gonna tells ya'll aaaaaaaall bouts my visit.

My butt was plugged up again and I was doin' da Butt Scootin' Boogie on da
floor (and gotted carpet burns on my tail in da process) and my Kerazy Lady
was all likes "Heck no you don't Skinny Minnie!"
Yea, dats me new nickname if you was wonderin'

...cuz I has losted some weight. I weighs 8.9 if anybuddy cares.

And then hers tolded me her was gonna gets to da
BOTTOM and RECTIFY da situation immediately.

hehehehe...I mades a punny joke.
I like punnies.

So hers threw placed me gently in da car and tooks off likes da kerazy lady hers is...

...VROOOOOOM...VROOOOOOM we went.

Then we gotted to da Vet and I was dragged in walked in struttin'
my stuffs and then da hooman workers was all yellin' my name and wantin' to pet me,
and oooohin' and ahhhhhin' all overs me. No, seriously they was.
Of course then they asked me what I had done to myself again.
Like WTF? I can't help dat I be a lemon dog.

Soooooo...in da torture chamber room I went.

 I tried to makes my escape by tip pawin' but they caughted me.
Darn they was some fast little boogers.

And then it was time...

 Sir, why you be groppin' me?

Yea, you thinks it was all nice and colorful likes da foto but truth be told it was more likes dis....

 Total horror I tells you!
(insert Twilight Zone theme song).

I was doomed.
 And speakin' of bein' uncooth...Kerazy Lady actually took a foto of dis.

(Does you has no ethics WOMAN?)

Don't furgets, I knows wheres you lives mister...MUAWHAHAHAHAHAHA!

So then I gotted home afters dat ordeal and watched some teevee to recoop from da truama.

Sigh....

My butt feels much betters and it still be so purties.
Mum asked da vetatrician why my glands do dis and him said I was Puddles and I just weird.
I is da ONLY doxie mum has had dat has to has dis done.

entertaining fact 47394764: they tolded mum da more da glands be expressed, da more it has to be done so nows we has to be reeeeeal carefuls. So I say we just won't do it no mores....duh.

Puddles

Pittie Post Day

They each have a story

They had no home

They was skeered

They was eithers in a shelter or rescue

Wondering what was next for them

But then they was welcomed into homes by peoples dat dedicate their lives to them.

They learned confidence, trust, and unconditional love.

They not has to worry bouts their next meal or being alone nows.

They is Pits...

...and they is some of BFFs and I loves 'em cuz I ain't no breedist.

I likes all breeds of doggies.

Let me introduce you to my BFFs

Corbin

from our trip tp Paris

Mayzie...

...not actually a pit but hers looks likes one and therefores has suffered from discrimination.

Interesting fact...Mayzie has doxie in hers and a plethora of udder stuffs.

Roo

from da Race banquet

Can ya'll believes dat Pits and some udder breeds ain't welcomed in some towns and counties?
And can you believes in some places groomers and pet stores won't allows them in da stores?
Because of da way they look.
It's true!

In da end, we is all dogs.

We feel love, we feel hurt and we feel pain..

...we live and breath.

We all deserve to be treated with fairness despite da way we look or da breed we is.
I wants to thank Corbin's, Mayzie's, and Roo's hoomans furs giving them a chance and lovin' them unconditionally. Without ya'll, they nevers would has been heres to tells their stories.
Thank you!

Today is a special day.

Today I is helpin' my most handsome furiend Corbin celebrate his birfday.

I likes parties by da way. And I attempted to do my best withs a Pittie Post to celebrate.

Corbin, I hopes you has a wonderful birfday celebratin' withs da peoples dat loves you.
And I also wanna say dat I nevers realized how emotional doin' dis postie was gonna be and so I hads to REALLY cut out some...okays like 5 pages of what I wroted.
It not end up likes I wanted but heres it is.

Puddles
PS: Did ya'll know BSL really stands furs bull shit legislation?
No really, I wouldn't makes dat up