my butt

I thoughted long and hard whethers or not tells ya'll bouts my weekend but then I decided I could makes it fun and inappropriate so why not?
Oh and if you be eatin' right nows...I wouldn't if I was you.

Wells, I wasn't feelin' good overs da weekend and mum said I was acting weird...
...or weirder than normal.
Weirder than normal?
Well dat sounds stoopid.
I wouldn't do nuttin', wouldn't play, wouldn't hunt, wouldn't act likes me spazzy perky self.
So da peeps was concerned cuz alls I wanted to do was lay around and dat is soooo NOT me.

See...I not feels good. But My Girl consoled me.

But mum bein' a total genius wondered if it just might be my butt glands.
Or geez, maybes it was cuz I was lookin' at my butt and not just cuz it be purties but cuz it hurted.
 Yea genius she is not.

Hurt butt but my aint it da grandest thing you evers did see?


I not be a scooter so sometimes hers not knows when I needs my butt expressed and her just takes me to da vet and lets them decide and whatnot.

So of course da Vet clinic was closed on Memorial Day. Who closes a VET clinic on a holiday? Dats when everything happens...duh.
Well da gym was opened so mum went to do her thang...yep, even though I was feeling terribly deathly ills hers went!
But good golly...guess who was theres?
Yep, da Vet Man!
Dam him.
Dats why peoples shouldn't go to da gym.

He telled da kerazy lady hows to do my butt glands and her come and her freakin' DID it!
Her putted me in da baff withs warm water and hers DID it!!!!!!
I thoughted I was gonna melt in dat water.
OMG...can ya'll believes my weak tummy mum did it!
I am still shocked.

Anyways, I was REALLY clogged up and I'll spare ya'll da details cuz da kerazy lady still be havin' nightmares from it.

Her did says hers WILL NEVERS EVERS do dat again though...cuz her still can't eat nuttin'...hehehehe.
And hers only did it cuz I was too miserable and hers couldn't stand to sees me dat way...ahhhh, sweetness....NOT!
Hehehehe...da things da hoomans will do furs us.
I just be glad her didn't break me.



Until next time furiends...
peace, love, and clean butts.

Frankie Day

Ahem...testin' 123...testin' 123...
is dis mic on?

Okays..

Here ye...here ye....

Today is Frankie's Day and I is takin' dis opportunity to let him and da world knows how very much I appreciates him and all he does round heres in Blogville.

I celebrate you Frankie.
I celebrate your furiendship, your love and passion fur dis community,
and your laughs and smiles dat makes me pee all overs myself.

It has been a jolly good time bein' your furiend.

We has been to parties togedders...but I won't mention those today...
and I tried to gets you and Pip outta jail...guess I shouldn't mention dat eithers...
...we has been married togedders (not to each udders though)...
...we has been tipsy togedders...
I has even crapped on you befores and you didn't even mind.

But I just wanna say dat over da 2 years I has been tryin' to takes over da universe bloggin,' you not only has been theres furs me and my poor kerazy lady withs your words of wisdom and support but you has been theres fur so so so many udder bloggers too. Lawd knows my kerazy lady needs some wisdom.
 Thank You!
We always knows who to come to fur anything...except fur rat recipes.

You have always jumped in paws furst to to let us know bout udder bloggers strugglin' or good things dat has happened, and you never hesitste to lend a paw to help udders when they need it.

I am greatly honored to be ables to call Frankie and Ernie by furiends.
 Thank you Frankie, Ernie, and Momma L furs all ya'll do heres in Blogville.
Ya'll will nevers truly knows how much we appreciate ya'll. and everything ya'll has done furs da community.

Puddles

I Finally looks Smart?

What a stoopid title!
I must gets da kerazy Lady to work on my titles, dat is da only thing her be required to do on da blog and hers not doin' such a hot job withs 'em.

Does ya'll knows my furiend Nora B. Webster?

 If ya'll don't then you must go meet her like right nows cuz da girl is freakin' hilarious.

Jump, hop, skip, whatevers floats your fancy in gettin' theres go do it.

Wells see, Nora's Master wears these cool white glasses dat makes him look full of da smarticals...

Pretend Master and da Real Master (Aka: Nora)

 ..and I has been beggin' and pleadin' askin' very nicely to borrow them so I could looks smarter but apparently he can't sees withouts them so he won't gives 'em up...(ahem, LAME excuse if you ask me).Nope he won't EVEN gives them up furs da Puddles.

And no, I has absolutely no clue why her calls him MASTER...bwhahahahaha...
...hoomans be so funny thinkin' they control us.

Anways, wells as my crappy squirrel snot luck dat has been bestowed upon my house finally turned GOOD furs a change.
cuz as my luck would has it...I gotted me a package in da mail from anudder one of my super furiends, Jazzi. Ya'll all should knows Jazzi I thinks.
It was a door prize I wonned at her birfday pawty.
Dat Jazzi sures knew exactly what I needed furs my life to be complete...sigh.
Ya'll wants to sees what hers sent to me?

Okays makey real good and sures ya'll is prepared...
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BOOYA!

I gots MY VERY OWN GLASSES!

nows I can look all smart likes Nora's Master...
 ...he gonna be all jealous of me nows and be all wantin' to borrows my glasses.
I will have to lets him down very gently though.
I hopes he ain't gonna be too sad.

Thank you so much Jazzi furs da glasses and thank you Nora furs lettin' me steal your foto.

Puddles...wearin' my readin' glasses

I'm Back!

(sing to da tune of She'll Be Comin' 'Round Da Mountain)
I'll be comin round da blogs now dat I got my virus off

I'll be drivin' my pinto, eatin' my cheeto's when I come.

YeeHaw!

Okays dats all I got.

 So I has been gone cuz my 'puter gots a nasty, nasty virus.

We was gonna redo My Girl's room and I had to helps her cuz mum's favorittist color is "Bore Me To Tears White" ...her calls it Shabby Chic but it really be called Shabby Sh*t...and I just couldn't let da kerazy lady be a part of dis redecoration project.

Sooooo, I googled bedrooms and BAAAAAM, gots a virus. And yes, we did has virus protection.

Da virus took EVERYTHING on da 'puter and hid it so we thoughted we losted everything...and yes we has an external hard drive to back stuffs up but nuttin' was backed up cuz dat would has made way too much sense to do (are you readin' dis dad?).

So to make a long story short da 'puter fixer peoples couldn't take da virus off straight from da 'puter.

They had to put everything on da external hard drive and then wipe our 'puter clean then put it on a recovery disc. Then they called and said our hard drive was failin' and I was all like  WTF, da 'puter is barely a year old. So they over nighted a new hard drive and it ended up comin' in a day later and da wrong one came in. But they got in anudder one later dat day.

So now da 'puter is all betters.

Dis happened on Momma's Day...mum wasn't very thrilled bouts her present...hehehehe.

Oh I has to tells ya'll dat I Puddles Duddles Rainwater saved da world from da bubonic palague and deaded me a big honkin' rat. Him was bouts da size of me...it was grody.
No need to thank me.
It's what I do.

Here I is just incase ya'll furgotted what I look like.

So, I has so much to tells ya'll but I do it laters dis week cuz I needs to go and sees what ya'll has been up to cuz I missed ya'll all so terriblies much and I really really hopes ya'll didn't furgets me.



Puddles

My Strange Addiction

I has a strange addiction.
Okays, well i has many strange addictions
but, today I is only talkin' bouts one addiction in particular
cuz I don't has nuff time to go overs ALL my 84573847 addictions.

Sees, I be addicted to...

 SHAVIN' CREAM!!!!!

I just can't gets enuffs of it.

I HAS TO HAS IT!

Da only 12 step program furs me is da 12 steps I is
gonna takes to gets to my creamy goodness.

I will even jump in da bafftub to gets my fix...with no water though...

...udderwise da water would makes me melt and turn me into a puddle...hehehehe.

(And anudder reason it be good to has strong calf and butt muskels...check them glutes out)

Luckily fur me da kerazy lady is clumsy and drops da can makin' it explode fur me...
and her be totally braindead and often times furgets da shaving cream in da bafftub makin' it easy access to me. What an awesome mum I has.

OMD...it's so GOOD...lip smackin' delish!

"Oh hiya mum...um, i was cleanin da bafftub cuz SOMEBUDDY gots paw prints everwheres."

Yea, I always gets busted cuz I nevers can seem to gets outta da bafftub in a timely fashion.

Does ya'll has any strange addictions?
Or am I da only one?


And I has no idea why my pikture went all to da side eithers.

Puddles

Cooking With Puddles

Hellos Ya'll.
Dis heres is called da cookin' segmant of da Puddles Show.

 We is gonna cook...duh...cuz I is a good cooker and I has lots of tastey recipes.

Today I has a very simple recipe to shares cuz food shouldn't be all complicated and stuffs.

It's called "Easy Bake Squirrel".
It's so easy even da kerazy lady couldn't screw it up could makes it.

All you needs is a squirrel...stuffin optional...and salt to taste...
then you shoves it in da oven like so....

You don't even needs a pan or a bakin' dish..it's dat easy.

 Mmmmmmm...can't ya'll smell da aroma?
You may hears some poppin' sounds but don't be alarmed, it's okays.

Sees wasn't dat EASY?
Just wait till you tastes it.



Puddles... caterin' services available upon request

Gettin' Creative

Sometimes I gets a hankerin' to do sumptin to cures my boredom...
sumptin dat won't gets me in trubles.

Luckily, furs me I do be a little creative and kinda artsy fartsy.
But I just didn't knows whats to do so I thunked and pondered...then I thunked mores and pondered again...because I likes da word pondered so I thought I should it some mores.

Wells, WHAM BAM..it hit me likes a road kilt squirrel.
I hads an idea.

I hads to get my suppiles togedders...

1. wire
2. blow torch...cuz it's just fun to use.
3. old vintage ribbon
4. and then some of dis and dat
5. and as a rule, safety furst...I notified da fire department, just in case.

Sees, I settled on makin' a piece of jewelry,

a very much special piece of jewlery dat connects me to My Girl.

When hers ain't withs me then I'll always has a part of hers when we is not togedder.

Nows don't ya'lls go a gettin' all teary eyed on me.

BEHOLD, DA MASTERPIECE.....

I mades me a TOOF necklace!

It's My Girl's toof.

 Nows a part of her will always be withs me.

Okays heres your glamour shot fur da day.

Puddles...wonderin' where my baby teefs is.

OMD...OMD...It FINALLY Happened

Note to self:  I knows hows excited you is self and you wants to shouts it to da world but stay calm and collect yourself and pretend likes it ain't a big deal...even though it really is.

Ever since I was a itty bity girl...

Float Like A Butterfly Ladybug...Sting like A Bee

{I was itty bity then but nows I just be littles}

...I has hads big dreams.

(Remington, stop heres)

BIG DREAMS of followin' in my ancestors pawprints
to be da best at protectin' and servin' my family and da homestead
when da time comes.

(seriously, don't go no furthers Remington cuz you'll be very disappointd withs me.)

Loyal furiends, fans and stalkers....
yesterday dat dream became a reality furs me.
(OMD, I can barely contain myslef)
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keep on goin' if you ain't squimish
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Feast your eyeballs on dis!

I DEADED A GROUND HOG
...aaaaall by myself.

Yes sirre bob, I deaded it withs all my 9.5 pounds of muscle and quickyness
up against likes 87 pounds of pure evilness!
And nary a hair was even outta place afterwards (most important).

Foto Lady was OBVIOUSLY NOT prepared furs dis foto shoot cuz I be totally  out of focus and da color is waaaay off.

Note to Kerazy Foto Lady: Always be prepared

Nows I honestly can't apologize furs what I doned cuz...wells I is  Puddles and dis is what I does and by dog I am a mighty fine hunter if I do say so myself.

Nows befores ya'lls go on thinkin' I be heartless, I wasn't.
We done a little dance togedders 'round in a circle just so I could figures out da bestest approach..
then it was lights out furs him.
It was quick and painless and then him was deader than a door nail.

 Not even a single scratch on me eithers.

 Nows, furs my great appreciation to all of ya'll,
 ya'll can shares in my bounty and we can has groundhogkabobs at DWM pawty.

Oh and da Kerazy Lady was proud of me and I knows dis cuz hers kept sreaming my name...
PUDDLES...PUDDLES...PUDDLES!!!!!!!!!!
over and over and over again.

So far I has kilt:
1. 2 mices
2. mole
3. chipmunk
4. squirrel
5. ground hog
6. my brudder's self esteem cuz he hasn't deaded nuttin.


Puddles...calls me today furs all your exterminatin' needs.
1-800-KIL-LLER

Only In Da South

Befores I begins lemme just say heres in da south, it's da only place wheres hot tea is a sin, we eat grits and cook stuffs in fatback...and most importantly we has our very own language.

Okays nows I begins.

Sometimes I go to da school house withs mum to picks My Girl up from school.

Don't worries, Kerazy lady not lets me drive fur some reason..bummer.

Wells I went da udder day and I was sittin' theres in da mum's lap while we was waitin' and waitin' and why hers has to go so early is beyond me.

Me waitin'

Lookin' at da man.

Anyways, a nice man with an array of multi colored teefs (mostly yellow and black) in da car overs from us seened me and heres hows da conversation went.
Fears not, I added my own commentary...hehehehe.

NOTE: man's speech dialogue is written just hows he spoked it...
...and dis can only be heard in da south...just happens to be da same way I talk too but I is a dog and he be a hooman i think.

Dum man: "Wets he go by?" (for those of you not from these parts dat is translated to "What is his name)

(HE, dude seriously did you not notice da pink and purple fake Martingale collar, I be a freakin' girl)

  Mum: She's a girl and her name is Puddles

Did he just calls me a HE?

Meanwhile Albert was in da back of da car secretly laughin'

Hehehe, he thinks your a boy

Dum man: (cackling) well thet's a funny name. Des she puddle?

(like I has nevers heard dat one befores)

Mum: No, she doesn't. She's actually pretty well trained.

(liein' throughs her teefers)

Dum man: Idnat airs one 'em Chi Wa Was?

Oh brudder...dis guy is a moron.

Mum: (bein' a smart ass) Actually she is a Greyhound.

Dum man: hehehe...ahhhhhh, c'mon nows.

Mum: She's a dachshund.

Dum man: Oh thet's eh wiener dawg.

(gee, your regular 'ol Sherlock Holmes theres)

Mum:(hesitating) Uh, yea she is.

Hmmmm...I be thinkin'I needs to try my paw at home schoolin' My Girl.

 Sorry, SOMEBUDDY was tryin' to be creatives.

In da south, we may be perceived as an odd class of Americans but I wouldn't has it any udder ways...except fur da Stoopid's to move to da North.

Puddles...googlin' home schoolin'