March 17 2002-November 23 2016

We have not blogged in a long time but I wanted you all

to know we lost my Albert, my heart and soul.

Thank You

Hey, dis is Puddles!

My mum wanted me to thanks everybuddy fur all

da wonderful comments and emails and cards we 

has received on da passin' of Sissy Whitney.

Ya'll honestly do not knows how much it has meant to us.

We is tryin' to respond but it's gonna take some time.

We is so very thankful to has some of da bestest furiends in da world.

Furiends dat understand and love us.

We will be back to bloggin' on friday.

And thank you all again from da bottom of our hearts.

Puddles and mum

PS: I loves you Corbin

PSS: we is gonna be out of da office today

RIP Whitney Lou

My sweet baby momma, Whitney was helped to the bridge

this morning. She had many issues due to her dementia and her

quality of life was not as it used to be. 

Honestly, I have never had to make the decision to help

an animal to the bridge and dear god i hope i never have to again 

because it literally made my body hurt and i could not control the tears.

I want to thank you all for the emails and messages..I love you all very much.

You have absolutely no idea how much your friendship means to me.

Whitney Lou

 I will always love you and remember you

August 26 2001-June 20 2015

I Wants Ya'll To Meet Somebody

Hellos boys and girls...thank you fur tunin'in today.

I wants to introduce ya'll to someone very much 

important in my life...my new vet.

My old vet quit when he had to buy a new filing cabinet just fur my file

retired to spend time withs his family.

(Bon Voyage Dr. O)

I walked in da door one day to introduce myself to da new vet, Dr. G.

I just knews her was gonna want a pawtograph.

Her was so excited to finally meet me dat her run straight to da back and out da door.

Then I heard screams.
Like i said, her was super excited.

 Sure, I'll wait right heres.

I waited bout 10 minutes...or an hour fur hers to regain her composure.

Then hers come out trembling and says her has heard lots bout me.

I is very well known down at da clinic.

Let me just takes ya'll back a moment to last year when I almost died again.
when I hads my torso almost amputated.
and here is your warning...
WARNING

 Groooooss.

I has da most awesome scar now.

But Dr. G saved my life and sewed me back togedders.
 I was much impressed with her skills and her bedside manners.
Her is a very luverly and nice lady. Her is like one of those furiends you
could go has a beer or 12 with.

Her is a very luverly and nice lady. Her is like one of those furiends you
could go has a beer or 12 with.

 Her said i was adorables and her wants her very own Puddles.

Seriously would dis face lie to ya'll?

Shhhhhh...never mind.
Okay so her didn't say dat but hers wanted to.

Puddles...#1 patient (I pay their bills)

New Job

Well, I made it to Friday without ANY accidents.

I is so very proud of myself.

Now lets get down to business.

 Our Mayors, Murphy and Stanley begged me to fill in for Taffy

as secretary while her is away on family business.

So of course, I said I would afters I laughed hysterically.

*do not gets alarmed by da above pikture...I was on break*

I was doin' no' makin' paper airplanes.typin' of any kind.

Nows da most important thing I hads to do was make me a supply list

and go SHOPPING...on their card.

I gotted all my stuffs and decorated my new office.

Here, I shows ya'll my office...

Ain't it purty?
Fur some reason I was told I was not allowed to has a dart
board for so I gots me a velcro one. And by golly, they
sticks to everything...sorry Stanley.
I asked if I could hs a chandelier but they was all like..."HEEEEEEELL NOOOOO!"

I also gots me a trophy from da thrift store.
It says "Employee of the Year"...Bwhahahahahaha!

Nows can ya'll sees dat cabinet behind my desk?

Yep, dats right. 
It be da same cabinet me and Pip stoled from Bertie on Pip's World Tour
(I loves you Angel Pip)

And of course no office is complete without beer and cheetos...or at least
my office anyways. And piktures of my beautiful self and my BFF Pip.

I hopes ya'll enjoyed tourin' my new office.
Nows, if anybuddy is allowed to use matches we needs to has a bonfire
withs all these files cuz they is REALLY gettin' in my way.

Secretary Puddles

PSA from da Puddles

Happy Friday ya'll!

Welcome back to anudder edition of da Puddles' blog.

(da only place where we can make your hoomans feel SMART)

Today furiends, family, and stalkers, I want to shares a very 

important PSA withs ya'll...it may just save your lives.

(serious face)

Ya;ll knows i has been known to swing from a chandelier or ceiling fan

a time or twleve. And since I came back to Blogville I thought it might be a good 

idea to get some practice in fur all da Blogville drunken keg pawties, pole dancin',

margarita madness mondays, functions and tea pawties that we is so famous fors.

Take a look at da below photos.

Excuse da quality of da photos, I tooks them withs da IPudds phone. 

Yep folks, your eyeballs ain't deceivin' you.

Stay right theres and let me biggify it for you so you can sees it in all it's gloriousness.

Wait, hang on...I'm gettin' it.

Okays, heres we go....

SPLAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!

Dat light fixture came from da ceilin' fan.

Ya'll, as I was fallin' from da sky my life flashed before my eyes.
I could have died, I almost died.
But I escaped anudder my near death experience by da skin of my toofers.

Nows, for future informationals....
DO NOT
 swing from anything dat my ENGINEER Dad installed.

Puddles...safe and sound

meet da neighbors

Today, I wants to let's da whooooole entire world  knows 

what was goin' on while I was on blog vacation.

Bazil

 Maggie

Cornelious...aka Neil

* drinks scotch and smokes cigars

Well, ain't it obvious?

Mum has been havin' an affair withs da neighbor dogs!!!!!

(WHY MUM, WHY?????)

Nows da most disturbing part was dis photo I founded...

...even My Girl has been involved in da conspiracy.

(drops head in shame)

Nows even though I is totally hurt, broken hearted, ashamed, and

embarrassed, these be da neighbors everybuddy can only dream of...

...they not likes da Stoopids if ya'll recall.

These is da Good neighbors.

I be all like "HEEEEELL YEA, FINALLY!!!!"

They is Ms. Audry and Mr. Dennis and they has 3 hairless kids as well.

Lemme just say they is so fabulous dat Ms. Audry has been trustd to 

come check on us if da oppurtunity arises...she looooves me...and her gets my beer for me too.

Hers even calls to check on us too...usually me, cuz i is always da one dat needs checkin' on
if you knows what I mean.

Dis is me, da only dog ya'll needs to remember.

Anyways, i just wanted everyone to knows how I has been treated whats been up.

Puddles...off to therapy

HELLOS!

HEEEEEEEEELLOS ALL MY LOVES!!!!!!!

it's me Puddles Duddles Rainwater...not sures if ya''' remembers me or not

but i is da cute little dachshund dat likes beer and cheetos...

and has her very own portrait in a jail cell, i is special dat way.

I had a heart to to heart talk withs mum da udder day and i telled her i must get backs to my blog cuz i is famous and if i not blog then i would not be famous no mores...then i would has no reality show

in my future and i has to make beer money somehows.
Plus dis might be a smashin' way to meet Ellen

Obviously hers felt bad fur me so i HERES.

(Mum spilled acetone on da keys so they work good no mores)

Anyways, all is well heres.

Brudder Albert still be a dork...and hairy.

a few weeks ago him haded to go to da vet cuz he had a partial herniated disc.

He be much betters now cuz i tooks really good cares of him..ahem, cough, cough.

and Sissy Whitney...

 

...is still a bitch but worse these days.
Dont let dat smilin' face fool ya'll.
Her was diagnosed withs dementia a few months ago,
her has gotten pretty darn aggressive, her has even bit My Girl and her friend, Miss Lily
My Girl cant go no wheres near Whitney
Her paces even more and srares off into space. it be really sad.
But mum has her back.

And me, da Puddles...

I command you to bring me cheetos

...well, I is still perfect.
Still got da eyes dat can compel anyone or anything to do whatevers...hehehehe.

So to makes a long story short we will be posting once a week until da Girl
gets out of school. but i will be commenting through out da week...
you knows, just to make sures your days are complete...hehehe.

Anyways, i has missed ya'll so terribly much.
but i is back fur da long haul...whatevers dat means.

Puudles...the Original

Guess what?

Da Puddles Duddles has moved back to Blogville!

I is back!

OMD, why is ya'll running away?

COME BACK...COME BACK!!!!!!! 

I promise  I'll be good...I has changed.

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Just kiddin', I has not changed...i still da same 'ol Puddles...
...and I still crack myself up.

Goodness gracious how i has missed all my furiends and stalkers.

okays, so da last time i seen ya'll I was recoverin' from anudder one

of my near death experiences.

Just to remind ya'll, here is a photo...hehehehe.

You knows, lookin' back on my battle wound it does kinda make me a little squeamish.

Does it makes ya'll squeamish?
Clearly ya'll can sees dat i almost had my torso amputated.

Here be my battle wound afters my surgicals.

Recuperatin' and totally F'ed up on drugs at home.

here be my awesome scar today.
Frankly, i loves it cuz it makes me look bad.

First time I pooped!
Apparently hoomans think dis is a sign of gettin' betters.
(ignore da cone from hell...dat is a blog post in itself)

Because of dis Girl I is all healthies and was ables to keep by torso from being amputated.
I loves you Girl!

Whay ya knows...anuuuuudder foto of moi!
Dis is me today...well, actually monday but whatevers...cuz Iis back in town!!!

I has really missed everybuudy and i am so freakin' happy to be back!
So lets graba a beer or 12 and celebrate.

Puddles
PS: Kerazy Lady still be stoopid...hers scheduled 2 appts today
so we may be late gettin' around to da blogs but I'll get theres eventually.

PSS: Ignore da Christmas header.

Update

Hellos there my luverlies, I is heres to bring you an update

in my ripped leg saga...lucky fur ya'll I has no fotos.

(only cuz mum gets da hibbiejibbies lookin' at my wound)

 

Well, I is gettin' all betters afters my leg gotted mutilated then gots

an infection, then I throws up all my meds and foodables.

then on anudder I decided to throws me up some bile.

I is good nows.

So much dat I has even jumped on da couch (mum bouts beat da tar out

of me), I has been wantin' to go back on my walks, and has

even tried to play "I Dead You" withs brudder Albert.

I still has a hole in my leg and it has gotten a tad bigger but

it ain't no big deal cuz I is gonna live anyways.

 

Nows everybuddies question is how da hell do I do dis...

my hoomans think I done it on some rolled up

fence dat was stored underneath our porch.

But dats just not da case...I was fightin' off a big ass coyote.

You should has been heres to sees what I done to dat coyote.

Him haded to go to da vet too.

 

Anyways, I is on da mend and I wants to thank all ya'll fur

da comments, emails, and phone calls, and love.

Ya'll just really don't knows how much we has appreciated it.

I just loves ya'll to pieces...I loves beer too.

 

Nows I will be back next week cuz mum says dis week has

been shot to hell...courtesy of moi.

 

Puddles...still withs d battle wound from hell

I Needs Some love and Thoughts Please

Hellos boys and girls...tis I, Puddles Duddles Rainwater and I has

gotten myself into a predicament of sorts.

See, it all started on a luverly warm, sunny day...Wednesday to be exact.

I went fur my walk and came home to check out da backyard to make sures there

was nuttin back theres there shouldn't be...like squirrels and groundhogs.

well, I seen nuttin so I yelled at mum to lets me in da door and hers seen me

at da bottom of steps...like dis....

 

WARNING: not fur da faint at heart

 

 

my leggie gotted all ripped up from my leg to my rib cage.

now ain't dat sumptin?

I was rushed to da vet and then into surgicals to sew me back togedders.

(also haded my teefers cleaned while I was out...more on dat laters)

Cuz of da location of my battle wound they was real

concerned bouts fluid buildin' up and yada yada.

 

Howevers, yesterday, my sewn up part now has one F'ed up infection

and it is draining cuz it gots a hole in it now...but dis is actually a

good thing. They gaves me more antibiotics...no good drugs though.

 

NOW TODAY all I do id throw up and now mum be all freaked out again...

we currently has anudder call into da vet.

 

So I know I hasn't been around because I could use some love and thoughts

right now...and a beer would be good too...and some Cheetos.

 

Puddles...survivor of battle wound from hell

 

 

 

 



On Sale Now

Well hello theres boys and girls!

Tis I, Puddles Duddles Rainwater and i is back afters an unintended sabbatical....courtesy of mum.

Now while I was away i has been keepin' up with everybuddy's weather on da

news ...you knows...befores da Kardashian's came on.

Gracious was i ever sorry fur lots of ya'll withs da ice and da snows.

All I could thinks of was how in da world ya'll was peein' and a poopin' .

If ya'll is likes me then you not wanna go outside in da icey cold temps to pee and poop.

(peein' and poopin' in da cold is over rated)

Then it hit be like an automobile hits a squirrel in da road...

I decided to brings back da Puddles Pro 5000 fur all ya'll in need.
(I advertised it a way long back.)

Now ya;ll won't has to go out in -10 degree weather to takes care of business.

And bein' da generous dog dat I is I even decided to put it on sale.
$8,700...withs free shippin' and handlin'.

 Da Puddles Pro 5000 even comes withs a  privacy screen.

Cuz you know, sometimes privacy can be an issue in a house full of hoomans.
Sometimes they likes to check our poops to sees if it be normals..WTF?

 It is large enough for you big dogs to turn around for your comfort needs.

Now if you is faint at heart and not likes to jump OR your peoples has banned you from jumpin'...

or if your just too lazy to jump...

I has da all NEW Amateur 1000 just fur you dogs!

It's a mat dat all you has to do is squat and your DONE!

Best of all there is no assembly required.
Dis sales at $87.
Nows dat is a steal!

Now no more goin outside to brave da elements fur all ya'll.

Call 1-800-Pudpro...our operators will be standing by.
You do not wanna be left out in da cold...get yours today before they is all gone.

Puddles...entrepreneur

Bar Now Open

Happy New Year's Eve Furiends!

Come right in.....

  (sorry, Sasha went a little wild withs da umbrellas..poked herself 23 times)

Da bar is now open!

Step right up and let us gets you a drink.
 Sasha has been on cherry and umbrella patrol...obviously.

Ruby and I has been concoctin' all types of drinks...all taste tested and approved.
Ruby is also on beer duty...kegs, cans and bottles.

(yes, we went all Tom Cruise in da makin' of dis post,,,I can flip bottles now so watch out)

And Madi has her famous nip-a-tinis...but careful with those.

Nows we has a wide variety of drinks available.

For those of you too young to drink then we has ya'll covered.

We has an assortment of sodas.
My apologies fur da mess they is in...I was busy taste testin' our drinks.

We also has some sparklies fur all you love birds out there.

Ahem...Ernie, Roxy...Taffy and Stanley...toast to your wimmen.

Now I Puddles along withs Sasha, Ruby and Madi has been slavin'
away to bring ya'll some of da bestest cocktails you will evers taste.
We has tested each and every one and we approved them.
It was a tuff job but we was up fur da task.

First, we has MY signature drink.

 da Cheetarita.
Trust me, you will want 3 or 12 of these babies.

Next we has da Decapitated Barbie Cooler.

Go easy on dis one, it may look girly but it is a real ass kicker.

And of course, da Puddles Bombdiggity.

Prolly should not drink dis one near open flames.

But da Blogville Fire Dept and EMTs is on stand by.

Dis one heres is called da Dirt Digger Decadence

It be made withs only da finest southern ingredients.
(Sasha, stop eatin' all da cherries)

Next up we has Madi's famous Catnip Delight...with olives.

 You can find these at da Nip-a-tini Bar.

Caution: Do not swing from da gold strandy things.

We also has a most wonderful Ruby Red Cosmopolitan.

 It is potent ya'll...had 2 of 'em and thought I had 7 paws.

And Sasha has concocted several different flavors of these little  
Saucy Silly Sashas

Hers done such a swell job withs them umbrellas...hehehe.

We also has plenty of beer.

But we only does Bud heres.

 see Ruby for keg, can or bottle

Nows, these is just a few selection of our drinks we has.
We can make what evers you wants.
And be sures to tell us if you would likes us to put it on Frankie's credit card.
Just in case, his number is....
5555 1234 5678.

We is behind da bar (on stools..not Ruby though) ready to takes your order.
Oh and in da back laounge area we is havin' a showin' of mum's runaway car
from da security footage at da gas station...courtesy of Goose.

And Angel Pip, if you is out theres, can you fly me in a cheeseburger?
I is starvin'!
Give me heads ups so I can gets out of your way befores you try to land.

Remember, stay safe and no drinkin' and drivin'.

Puddles, Sasha, Ruby, and Madi